Nothing left
by ninsan
Summary: Edward left Bella behind in the forest, she lost everything she had when he disappeared. How is it possible to live on when your love of your life leaves you? How many bad things in life can you take before death is the best way out?
1. Endings

**Stephenie Meyer, thank you for bringing the Twilight-saga into my life!**

Why, why did he do that to me, how could he? I loved him, I trusted him. I thought he would never hurt me like this. What's the point now? He was my all, my life, my future. At least, that was what I thought.

All day, every day those last minutes together with Edward haunted my mind. In my dreams, in school. Even at home, when I tried to occupy me with homework or cleaning, I thought about it, analyzing every word, expression he made. Thinking about what I did wrong, what things I could have said to change everything. To make him stay with me, comfort me, soothe me when I had nightmares, and just hold me in his big, strong arms.

Charlie tried to bring me back, but no one could, I was in my own little bubble. I did my work at home, all the small things that were expected of me, but with no joy in it. Even cooking for Charlie was hard, and I tried to be the "before Edward"- Bella, and I hoped he didn't se thru me. The thin barrier between reality and my bubble tried to break down, but I fought to keep it intact, I couldn't cope with the real world, I was to fragile.

In my dreams I chased Edward in the forest, screaming, "Don't leave me please! I need you to breath!" As I was about to reach him, he disappeared and I held my hand out into thin air and everything became black. At that point I always woke up, screaming loud at the top of my lungs, of the loss of my true love and best friend. My face were covered in sweat and I tried to calm down while putting my hands over my mouth, hoping Charlie didn't wake up and get worried of his only daughters sanity.

The first day without Edward was horrible, I tried to talk me into that everything was going to get better in time, everybody healed, why don't I to? The minutes ticked by and I laid in my bed, just wishing the darkness to get me, I wanted to drown, to not be able to think about how he made me feel, his warm voice blending with his cold fingers over my arms, the tingling feeling in my whole body when he kissed me, dream about the future I thought we had together.

The little voice inside me begged me to forget him, and I tried, but everything reminded me of him. My truck, he always made fun of it, it was his cars grandfather but I liked it and was proud of it. My blue shirt I wore the night in Port Angeles, finding out about the truth. I could go on and on, even the bed felt wrong now, it was to warm, I was used to have him by my side, humming me my lullaby to sleep.

After a week in bed I took a decision, if he could leave me like that, he didn't love me, and I didn't want to give him anything. I would simply put him and all the memories, things that reminded me of him in a little box in my head. Then I would put the lid on and place it far, far away in my mind. I could never, ever open it again, if I did… How could I then go on? This was my first and only chance of having a life without him. It wasn't much of a life, even thou I made the decision, it was hard to stick by it. Once and awhile something fell thru the box, but fast, before I slipped and fell I would put it back and try to go on.

I didn't want to get worse, I wanted to live, at least that was what I thought. Somewhere deep inside I knew this wasn't the life I wanted to have, something would always be missing, and nothing could replace it. The void inside me burned like a fire, it tried to grow bigger but I made it, forced it, back, demanding it to get away. But the harder I tried, the less it worked and somehow I found myself in bed, my legs crawled up with my arms around them, trying to stop the void from getting bigger.

I thought about the first day in school, when I first saw Edward, this was one of the hardest memories, but late at night I couldn't help myself. When he stepped in the room, it was like ha had a glowing halo around him, and for the first time in my life I felt a strange feeling. Of course it was love. I had never experienced it like that, so profound, so big and wonderful. I was sure thou, at least after that first lesson that he would never love such a plain girl like me. He and his siblings were different, beautiful and interesting. They didn't belong there but tried to fit in as good as they could.

When Edward disappeared for a week I got terrified, what if I made him leave? Was it my fault? What had I done wrong? But when he showed again I was grateful, even if he would never talked to me again, at least he was there and I felt safe. It was strange how I felt safe even thou he never talked to me, or even glanced when we did those labs together. Alice always seemed to have a smile for me, and I was happy that at least one in the family appreciated me.

Then, after he took me to his meadow, when we first kissed, the happiness filled my body and I was so ecstatic over him, over us as a couple, I realised my love for him.

Some nights I wish I never came here, that I never met Edward, but as soon as those words formed themselves in my head I regretted them, even thou he never loved me, I loved him and all the late night talks. Spending time with his family, making up plans for the future, well I had my own plans, and Edward tried to make me think about college and other human experiences. But I knew what I wanted, to become a real member in the Cullen family, to be together with him the rest of eternity.

Angela tried to talk to me in school, she asked what had happened, but I couldn't talk about it, I didn't want to cry in public, and by saying his name at loud, I would cry and become numb. The look I gave her was enough to make her never say anything about it again. She was a good friend, and stuck by me in school, even thou I was in my bubble. We sometimes studied together in school, but when I got home I was alone again. I wanted it to be like that, I couldn't be close to anyone once more, that would break me to my bones and I was scared of what I would do to myself if I was left behind once more.

I saw how Jessica and Lauren talked behind my back, but I couldn't care less, I had my blinders on, and that was how I got by in school. I wanted to have my little bubble, I was safe inside it, no one could hurt me inside it and as long as I had it protected around me, I could function.

One day, driving home from school I couldn't stop looking at the big radio I got from Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie, it reminded me of them, and I didn't want anything of them left… so I took a large screwdriver and jerked it in, around the radio and forced the big thing to come out. I succeeded, but it took its toll on me. The dashboard together with the radio was now in a crappy state and I hoped Charlie never saw it, I didn't want to tell the truth, and if I said that somebody nicked it he would go further with it and press charges. Well, not so good, because I was the thief.

And the days flew by, I was surprised when I realised it was Christmas and Charlie gave me a plane ticket to visit Renee and Phil in Florida. He explained that he was on call the whole Christmas as usual, and would probably spend Christmas day in the office with a turkey sandwich by the small tree his co-workers had put up.

The day before Christmas eve I took the plane from Seattle to Jacksonville. It was strange to se how the landscape changed below me, from snow in Seattle to green large fields in Florida.

Renee and Phil waited for me in the airport and they gave me a huge hug. I felt a bit distanced from them, like the third wheel or something, but I tried to show them some enthusiastic. I knew they loved me, and was excited that I was to spend the holidays here with them.

I still struggled to forget everything that had happened that last year, and I think I succeeded fairly good. But Renee saw thru me, and tried to talk to me, to bring me back. I wanted to be as I was before I moved to Forks, but how could I? The change I went thru with him changed me so much, I didn't remember who I was before, and I wanted to hold on to at least some small thing, even thou he said he would never come back, that he never loved me, I loved him! I was a better Bella when I was with him and I wanted to remember that. I couldn't just stop thinking about him, and as long as I had him and all the memories in that little small box inside me I could function.

I just needed to accept my new destiny…to live alone for the rest of my life and love a memory deep inside me.

**I think I'm going to try and continue with this story, and it would be nice to have reviews with your thoughts about it!=)**


	2. Changes

**So, second chapter for this little story, hope you like it=)**

Charlie picked me up in Seattle airport with a big smile on his face, he looked almost twenty years younger and I could tell by how he acted that he had been missing me. I was only away for a short week, new years eve I wanted to spend with Charlie. He had taken the day off and had planned the whole evening up with loads of food, movies and gifts from Christmas day.

I got tears in my eyes of how much he had put in to make me feel better, and once again I struggled to let him see a better Bella.

The evening was real nice, and when he fell asleep and started to snore in the sofa I went to bed. As the clock ticked by and finally became twelve in the night I gave myself a new years eve promise. This year was going to be a good year. I had only a few short months left in school, then college with new friends, and no one would know me from before. The new, improved Bella would study, get good grades and start a new life, somewhere else, far from here and all the strong memories. I had myself, that was enough.

Charlie woke me up later that following morning. He wanted to visit his good friend Billy Black and his son Jacob. I vaguely remembered Billy and his wheelchair. Jacob I didn't know at all, all I knew about him was that he was little younger than me, and we used to play together when we were kids. I made myself ready, brushed my teeth, put on a pair of blue jeans and a grey shirt. My cloths seemed to reflect my mood these days, and grey was a perfect colour.

We got into Charlie's old cruiser and went down the road to La Push. The little town was unfamiliar, but it seemed quiet and almost a bit boring. Charlie turned away from the main road and stopped the cruiser by a small red house. It was L- shaped with a small garage about ten yards at the side of the house. Lights were on, both in the garage and the house.

As we got out of the cruiser the front door on the house opened and Billy rolled out and shouted a welcome to us. I wrapped my jacket around me, the feeling of loneliness grew bigger in this new town, I wanted to go home, tuck myself into bed and cry myself to sleep as I always did when I felt lonely. But Charlie took my hand and dragged me into the house. I said hallo to Billy and got into the house. The living room was combined with a small kitchen with a small table in the middle of the room. It didn't fit there, but was the only place it could stand without being in the way of Billy's wheelchair.

Before Billy wheeled himself in he shouted Jacob's name. I figured he was in the garage, working on whatever boys worked in the garage.

I sat down by the table, a big bowl with pasta was placed in the middle. I didn't ask if Billy needed some help, I was to tired after another nigh with bad dreams. I put my elbows on the table and leaned my head in my hands and slowly closed my eyes. I heard how Charlie and Billy whispered to each other, apparently Billy asked how I was doing but I didn't hear what Charlie replied.

The door opened and I looked up. With one glimpse a saw the resemblance between Billy and his son, Jacob. I said I quiet hallo and closed my eyes again. But the young man didn't leave me alone. He sat down by my side and touched my forearm with his index finger carefully.

"So this is the Isabella Swan?" I snatched my arm into my stomach and got furious of what he did.

"Bella, but what's that to you?" I stared him in his eyes, and if looks could kill…

"I'm sorry, but with dad talking about you all the time, well I'm kind of curious about you. I remember when we were small and played together on the beach here in La Push." He looked away, almost a bit nervous and put his hands together on the table.

So he and Billy gossiped about me behind my back. I should probably feel offended, but I was to tired to care, I sighed and hoped time would go fast so I could get home to my bed and forget about this dinner and Jacob.

"Did I say something wrong?" Jacob tried once again to make conversation.

"Well, yes, I don't like people gossip about me." I said with a sharp voice.

"I'm sorry, but we were just worried about you. Charlie called us the night you went missing, and since I've been thinking about you, wondering how you were doing." He tried to talk comfortably, but he almost stumbled on the words. "I thought about maybe calling you, but the time never seemed right, and dad made me wait…" He looked at his father with somehow a bit anger in his eyes.

I wondered why he bothered to think about me, I was a mess, inside and out. Thou I tried to look normal, the mirrors didn't lie. Despite my harsh words, I got a bit curious, why did he care?

"Yeah, well, I haven't actually talked to anybody yet…" I looked away and searched for Charlie's eyes. He smiled and continued to talk to Billy.

"Maybe you wanna hang out or something? Get away from Forks I mean." He still stuttered on his words, unsure. "My car is soon done, and I have a license, so I can pick you up, if you want."

Why would I wanna hang out with Jacob? I didn't even know him, and I didn't feel like having new friends, I didn't take care of the ones I had in school. Poor Angela, I need to talk to her in school, let her know I'm there, or something. But not to give up to much.

"I'm not sure, I don't have time for friends, I'm soon done with school, and we have a lot to study now." A little white lie could do the work, and I actually had much to do in school…Keeping my mind occupied with other things than…Study, study, that did the trick.

"Well, okay, if you change your mind, you now were to find me." Jacob still tried to talk me into hanging out with him, but he talked to closed ears.

Charlie and Billy talked about new fishing places they could visit during the spring, I was quiet, couldn't think about nothing else then getting home, to my bed. And when Charlie thanked for the food I quickly got up and got my coat.

"Okay Bella, I see that you hadn't have a pleasant time here, ha ha" Billy joked, but were spot on and I blushed.

"No, its not that Billy", I tried to not lie to much. "Its just that I have a lot of things to take care of at home…" Like go to bed and cry myself to sleep and hope that my nightmares would not visit me as usual.

"Maybe you could come here soon again, visit me and Jacob?" What was this, some kind of conspiracy?

Charlie keep quiet, like he knew another reason for our visit to La Push. Were they forcing me to met Jacob, to make new friends? No, that couldn't be it, or?

"Come on Bella, lets go home, you have a lot of things to take care of at home, like cleaning our spotless home and washing the our clean clothes." I saw how he winked at Billy and I knew, there were other plans to the visit than what Charlie said before.

I felt tricked and zipped up the fly, fast. I almost jumped in my boots and had my hand on the door handle before Charlie even had said bye to Billy and Jacob.

"Bella, can you heat up the car for me, I'm just gonna put my shoes on, I'll be right out." Charlie threw the large set of keys to me and I went out. I had to take a big chunk of cold air, to clean my head and to think rationally. So if Charlie had other plans for this meeting, well he didn't succeed. I went down to the car and unlocked it, put the key in the ignition and turned on the heat at max. I was cold, but of course, it didn't help. Since that day I'd been freezing, and nothing could make me warm again.

As I was to put those memories away, yet again Charlie walked out from the house. He walked slowly, during the evening it had gotten very cold out side, and the rain from earlier that day had frozen up and made the street icy. Fortunately we had winter tires and I didn't think much about how slippery it was outside.

Charlie backed the car and got on the road again.

"Wasn't that nice Bella? Good food and company, as it should be." he drove slow and concentrated on the road.

"Dad, what was the actually reason for us visiting Billy and Jacob?" I demanded a straight answer and he couldn't talk himself out of this.

"Er, well, I think its good if you meet new friends, Bella. You often sit alone in you room, not seeing either Angela or Jessica. And Jake is a good kid!"

"But dad, I have homework and other things to work on, besides Angela is dating Ben and Jessica is dating Mike." I think, I hadn't noticed if Jessica and Mikes relationship were on or off lately.

"Please, just give Jake one chance, I'm sure you and he can be good friends." He tried to plea with me and I was a sucker for that.

"Okay, I'll give him one chance, but nothing more!" As I said the words I regretted them, maybe I could talk me out of it later on…

Then I saw headlights meeting us, but they were on the wrong side of the road and before I had the chance to react I heard Charlie scream at loud and then I felt the collision and everything became black.

**Please, please, review, I love reviews!=)=)**


	3. What now?

**The third chapter so far, enjoy!**

I saw his face, he was there but not. I screamed out his name but he didn't even look at me, he just turned around and started to walk away. I tried to run after him but my legs didn't carry me it was like I was stuck in mud and my body got heavier and heavier.

"Bella, wake up!" I heard an unfamiliar voice high up above me but I couldn't respond, I couldn't get a sound out of my mouth, I tried but nothing came out.

I felt how my body slipped away and soon I felt like I was floating in thin air. I saw the ground under me. The cruiser laying on its roof by the side of the road and another car alongside with large flames burning from the engine. Around the crashed cars, ambulances and police cars made much noise and everybody just ran around like they were in a hurry. Why?

"No, there's nothing left to do with Charlie, but Bella is still alive. She needs surgery, her spleen is ruptured."

Did he talk about me? I felt fine, it was so nice, floating up here. Everything was alright, I didn't even think about him with crying. I must be better then.

"Shock her heart, she needs to come back to us!"

My heart skipped a beat, ouch. What was that? Why was it getting harder to breath? This is weird, I don't wanna go back, I like this!

"What can we do, she's not responding…!"

Suddenly I felt heavy again and my sight became blurry and then black.

"_It's okay Bella, don't worry, everything will be alright." _Edwards soothing voice surrounded me and I felt calm, if this was the end and Edward was there…I would embrace it.

***

"Bella, it's alright, you can open your eyes." I heard a voice, far away and struggled to open my heavy eyelids. I recognized this numbness feeling, my body were full of morphine.

"It's okay Bella, don't be afraid." Once again I tried to open my eyes, and in front of me was a man with a white coat. The doctor. The memories from the car accident flooded my mind like a big wave.

"Charlie…?" My voice cracked, and my throat hurt.

"Bella, we will talk about him later, do you remember anything from the accident?" The doctor talked quietly.

"Who are you?" I didn't recognize the doctor at all, were I even in Forks? "Where am I?"

"You are in a hospital in New York, and I am doctor Bright. The reason of you being here is your injuries, they were so severe so the doctors back in Forks couldn't help you. You've been in a coma."

What, coma? I felt the panic shot thru my body, where were my dad?

"Honey, don't worry, you've been well taken care of, me and Phil have been here all the time since the accident." My mother caressed my hand and I felt a tear from my eye, slid down my cheek.

"Mom, where is dad?" I needed to know, I was alive but something felt awfully wrong.

"He…oh baby…" She started to cry and sob into Phil's arms.

"Mom, I need to know!" I got angry, why did she stall things?

"Charlie is not with us anymore. He didn't survive the accident."

My heart started to race and it felt like it was going to pop out of my chest, I couldn't breath, oh dad!

"Calm down Bella, you need to rest, your injuries are bad and you need to heal." Doctor Bright tried to soothe me while he pushed something clear into my IV with a syringe. I felt how I drifted away yet again.

***

I felt how someone kissed my forehead gently and remembered when Edward did it last time I was a hospital, how he stayed by my side thru the pain in my body, always helping me gladly but with agony in his eyes. He was about to leave me then, but stayed by my side when I asked him. What was the difference from then and last fall when he actually left me? If he and his family stayed, Charlie would be alive, I'm sure of that. Alice would have seen the accident, and Edward would have saved us. Saved me… I felt how my heart skipped a beat and I saw a bright light in front of me, but slowly it became disappeared and I drifted away again, dreaming of my past.

***

"Darling, time to wake up." I heard my mothers voice from my side, and I squeezed my eyes open to her voice.

"Just let me sleep a little while more, please." I was to tired to be awake, the morphine running thru my body made me sleepy and miserable.

"No honey, you need to wake up a little bit, you need to know your injuries…" She caressed my arm carefully and held my hand in hers.

I felt fine, or maybe that was the morphine talking, but I felt whole, like everything was alright.

"Is there really something wrong with me mom?" Could she even be honest?

"In the accident, the cruiser's engine crushed your legs and injured your spine…They've tried to put them back together, with nails but you may never walk again, the doctors aren't sure if you will fully recover." I felt my inside become cold and I saw how my mothers eyes became blank. Why was she lying? That couldn't be real? My legs, never walk again? My breathing started to quicken.

"So you mean that I may never walk again?" I tried to talk slowly, just thinking about my breathing, in and out, not panicking and not crying.

"Well, maybe in the future, but they aren't hopeful…" She leaned over me and put her hand on my forehead. "Of course, you have to move back to us now, to Jacksonville." As soon as she said those words I felt a big no in my mind. I couldn't, it wouldn't work, I wanted to be close to my dad, even if he wasn't alive anymore. Take care of his house and his legacy.

"No mom, that's not possible, I can take care of myself, I've done it before." There was no way she could force me back to Jacksonville, I was not under age anymore.

"Honey, you need help, you cant live alone in that house, it's not possible. If you cant walk, how can you even get to your bathroom?" I knew what she meant, but I also knew that it was possible to make changes at home, and of course, I wouldn't be in a stinking wheelchair for the rest of my life. If I could even cope with the love of my life leaving me, I could certainly get up and walk again. It felt like nothing comparing with what I felt when he left me…But Charlie, even if he wasn't the best dad, he was enough for me and I loved him dearly and the sorrow from his death almost made me numb.

"Please mom, don't. I can manage, I want to end school and go on then, but for now, I need to go back to Forks, and no one can stop me." She looked at me and I knew she wouldn't stop me.

"Okay, but I will go back with you, help you in the beginning, set everything up." Her hand moved from my face to my hand. I felt my tears coming, I couldn't hold them back anymore.

"I need to be alone, can you please leave me for a while?" Renee nodded and got up from the chair.

I needed to go on, but could I? A little seed of sorrow started to grow inside me. The whole that was big before, filled with grief and sorrow now grew bigger and bigger for every breath I took. It was my fault and I knew it. If I just had hidden my other grief, Charlie wouldn't have taken me to the Blacks, and we wouldn't been in the accident and Charlie would be in his sofa now, looking at some random game on the flat screen. Was it possible to even try to go on or should I finally end my misery?

**So, what did you think about this one? Please review, they make me happy! :)**


	4. Difficulties

**Another chapter up for this story, a little bit longer than the others :)**

The weeks in the hospital was long. My mother stayed with me by my side and helped me with everything that the nurses didn't do. My depression wasn't getting better either, but I did everything I could to hide it. It was my own and I didn't want to share it, I was afraid that I would hurt another person that knew my secrets. And by that, I talked with no one. Even my mother had a hard time with just having a normal conversation with me, but I tried to seem normal, as hard as I was. No one knew, and that was how it was supposed to be from now on.

About a month after I woke up the doctor said I was ready to go home. A little ray of sunlight shined thru my window and for the first time in long I felt a little bit better. Going home, to Forks, even if he wasn't there now, as he was before, made me feel some at ease. I hated to be in a hospital, too much awful memories were hidden in the walls.

Renee helped me with everything, she had already arranged the improvements in Charlie's house, to make it liveable for me and my new friend, the wheelchair. The long plane ride home made me think about my decision, was this truly the right thing to do? Maybe I could be happy with mom and Phil in Jacksonville? But if I did move to them, would they let me grow up, to be independent again? No, don't think so, was my direct answer to that question.

Angela's father, Mr Webber picked us both up in Port Angeles, he was alone in the car and I was grateful for that, being in a wheelchair drew unwanted attention and I dreaded the first day back in school, it would be like the first day in a new school, once again.

"So Bella, if you ever need to talk with me, as a priest, you are more than welcome. You have my number and address." He gave me a little smile in the rear-view mirror.

"Thanks Mr Webber, but I think I will be alright, but I really want to visit Charlie's grave…" My mother caressed my hand gently.

"Bella, are you sure you want to do that now? Please just wait until you get settled in the house, and then we can go together." Renee tried to plead with me and this day had been a long one so I gave up.

"Okay mom, not today then, but soon." I was tired, the flight combined with a mom that talked to much about nothing special made me sleepy and I wanted to get back home, to my bed. I knew it would give me some comfort.

When we got into Forks, it was already getting dark, and the streetlights were lit. The closer we got to the house, the more nervous I got. My heart started to pump faster and faster and I was afraid I was getting a panic attack. But I closed my eyes and concentrated on the sea, with the waves curling up on the beach, slowly. It actually helped me slow down my breathing and when I opened my eyes we were there. My house now, my garden and my old pickup.

Mr Webber helped me out into the wheelchair and I wrote a little memory note to myself, to work out my arms, get enough muscle strength to be able to help myself with getting in or out of cars and chairs without any help.

"So Bella, are you ready for this?" Renee wheeled my chair slowly to the stairs. Beside the massive stone stairs the carpenters had built a new ramp for me. My mother helped me up, and locked up the door for me, she then hesitated.

"Mom, just give me a few minutes for my own, please." I needed to get in the house by myself this first time, just a reminder for myself; I could do this alone.

"Of course, I'll get the bags and thank Mr Webber for the ride. Just shout if you need any help, darling." She turned around and got back to the car.

I slid the door open and wheeled in, slowly, my ears was listening on any sound, maybe from the TV… But no, evidently, dad wasn't here anymore. I knew that fact, but something deep inside me wanted him to be here, comfort me in my loss.

I saw the new things the carpenters had made in the house, all the door frames were wider, and in the staircase, a little elevator. It was a chair for me to sit in, and by the push of one button it took me upstairs, to my bedroom. I was about to change over to into the elevator chair when Renee entered with bags.

"Well, what do you think? Is it possible for you to live here maybe?" My mother glanced at me, I knew she wanted me to say that I wanted to go back with her, to live in Jacksonville, but she would never hear me say those words.

"Yes, thanks mom for helping me with this, I think I can manage with it all."

"I talked to Mr Webber, and he promised that Angela will pick you up for school every morning and then drop you off when the school is finished. I also talked with your teachers, you are a bit behind, but they all think you can make it if you study hard this last months of the semester. So tomorrow I will go with you to school, and help you out."

"Thanks mom, for everything, but I don't think you need to come with me tomorrow, Angela will help me, and I want to try myself. Can't you just stay here, and maybe do something else?" I knew she would try to go with me to school, but I was stubborn. Angela's help was more than enough for me. "Can I please go to bed now? I'm tired…"

"Yes, certainly, do you want help?" I gave he piercing look. "No, of course, you can take care of yourself, I'm just gonna call Phil and say good night." She leaned down and gave me a kiss on my forehead and I changed seats to the elevator.

With a press on the remote, the chair moved up in the its rail and a minute later I was on the second floor. Another wheelchair was there and I changed again. Charlie's door were closed, and I didn't want to open it, so I wheeled myself into my room.

When I got in, tears started to flood my face, the last time I was in here Charlie was alive and I was not happy, but a lot better than I was now. Even if the room had a lot of unpleasant memories, I still loved it, it was my own little place and I felt secure.

I got out of the chair and laid down on the bed, to tired to get out of my cloths. I closed my eyes and started to think about tomorrow. First day back in school, and it wouldn't be pleasant. I wanted no attention, but I was the only one with a wheelchair in school so of course I would draw interest to me. Why couldn't he be here, help me get over my insecurity? Once again I felt a stab of pain in my nonworking legs. Strange, they ached, but I couldn't use them. Maybe I should call Billy and ask him about it…

Slowly I felt how I got more drowsy and started to slip away, but suddenly I woke with a start, I heard a familiar voice; _I'm so sorry Bella…_

"Edward?" I mumbled with a low voice, hoping he was back for me.

But no one answered me and I took a deep breath, and closed my eyes yet again, knowingly that my dreams would haunt me as usual.

"Bella, it's time to get up, school today." Renee kissed my forehead gently and stroke my arm.

"Um, okay, I'll get up in a bit." I yawned, my nightmares were keeping my mind awake and they didn't leave alone. Always the same, first I were in the forest, chasing Edward and he never came back, then I was in the car with Charlie, feeling the other car hit us and knowing Charlie died at the impact and I couldn't save him. I didn't really help me move on, cope with my bad conscience, I felt guilty for everything, it was all my fault. Edward and Charlie leaving me alone.

"Breakfast is downstairs, and I invited Angela to join us today so she will be here in fifteen minutes." She turned around and walked down the stairs.

I got up in my chair and went for the wardrobe, jeans and a simple shirt, black. The mood of this day. I took my cloths with me to the bathroom and took a long hot shower, I needed to calm down and the hot water always helped a bit. My useless legs were full of scars and I tried to avoid looking at them as much as I could. I changed and went downstairs with the elevator and Renee and Angela waited for me.

Angela walked slowly towards me, "It's so good the see you again, I missed you!"

I gave her a little smile, "I missed you too, hanging out with mom, well it's nice in the beginning and then you tend to get a bit bored." I winked to my mother, I joked, and I knew it would make her feel better.

"So, are you ready for school? If you need help in school during the day, just say the words and I will gladly do it." Angela knew me, she knew I didn't want any help, or as little help as possible, and I felt grateful towards her.

"No, but if only the first day is done, it will be better. Just help me get rid of Jessica and Lauren, I know they are curious and I don't wanna talk about it just yet."

"Yeah, no problem, they won't bother you." She wheeled me into the kitchen and we all ate breakfast together under silence.

I said good bye to Renee and went with Angela to school. The closer to the school we got the more panicky I got, I felt the butterflies in my stomach and started to feel sick. But I couldn't give up. I had to take care of myself, and this was just one of the many obstacles to get over and done with.

"Maybe to the office first, to get your new schedule?" Angela looked at me, carefully.

I looked down, I have to do this. "Yes, that's best I think, can you get the wheelchair out for me?"

Angela took my chair and opened my car door. I got out and into the chair, I started to wheel down to the office with Angela beside me.

"Bella, BELLA!" I heard Mike's voice shouting my name and I tried to ignore him, but he caught up with us in a second, I was to slow. "I heard you were back, finally, I missed you around here!" Mike sincerity was nice and I felt little bad for my thoughts about him.

"Yeah, Angela is my helping friend here so I could come back. I got back from the hospital yesterday."

"Well, if you need any help at all, just say the word, see you at lunch!" Were I still welcome at their lunch table? Maybe Mike still had a little crush on me.

Angela helped thru the day, not asking any difficult questions, she was there beside me and that was enough. It truly felt like the first day of school, everybody looked at me, asked me about how I was cooping with all, but I didn't want to talk about it, and people had a hard time understanding that fact. Jessica was all over me the entire lunch, even Mike had at that time figured out that I didn't want to go over things, again and again. When he told Jessica to shut up I gave him a thankful gaze, hoping he didn't take it the wrong way, of course I didn't have any feelings for him, that would never change.

When the day was over Angela gave me a ride home, and I felt once again gratitude for her help, but I knew it was time to take care of myself.

"Thanks, Angela. See you tomorrow." I wheeled myself up the ramp, and Renee welcomed me home.

"How was your day, darling?" She was a bit nervous, but waited for my answer.

"Great, as great as it could be, sitting in a wheelchair…" I tried to be ironic, but almost stumbled on the last word. "Mom, we need to talk about my truck. I want to get by, by myself. Is there any chance we can change it?"

"Yeah, I've been looking that up today, I know you well." She winked. "And it's possible, but it will take a couple of weeks, but leave it to me."

"Thank you mom, really!" I felt a little hope inside me, if I had the car and could drive myself, a little bit more of my freedom could be real again.

"Jacob Black called today, I told him you were in school, and he wanted you to call be to him as soon as you got in."

No, I didn't wanna talk to him, dammit.

"Mhm, thanks mom, maybe I'll call him later…" I tried to talk me out of it.

"He sounded a bit worried and eager to talk to you, I think you need to call him as soon as you can."

"Okay, lets then, can you give me the phone?" Probably best to do it now, so he doesn't call again…

I dialed the number and heard the signals in the phone.

"Hello?" A dark voice from the other side on the phone line almost startled me.

"Jacob?" I asked quiet.

"Yeah, is that you Bella?" He sounded a bit nervous.

"Yes, it's me…I'm returning your phone call. Was it something special you wanted?"

"No, not really, I wanted to see if you were alright with everything and I thought I might come by and visit soon, if you want to?" He sounded so sincere and childish, I just couldn't say no to him, even if I wanted to.

"Well, things are a bit difficult, but you could come and visit, that's okay. Bring Billy with you, Renee is here to." I gave him the chance to choose, if he really wanted to come here or not.

"Yeah, I'm sure he wants to go with too. Maybe he can show you some moves with the wheel chair? He chuckled and I interrupted him.

"Dinner tomorrow? Around seven maybe?" I wasn't ready for others joking already, I wasn't ready for laughter even.

"Yeah, sounds good, Billy and I will be there at seven, see you tomorrow." The cheerfulness in his voice didn't help my mood at all.

"Great, bye."

"Bella?" He said my name carefully. "Thanks for calling me back, I've been so worried about you, thinking about how you were everyday since….since the accident…See you tomorrow."

I didn't know what to say so I just hung up. Why did he think of me, like that? It didn't seem right, something was off. And now I had to worry about dinner tomorrow with him and his dad. Billy must be happy, now when they aren't here anymore.

I felt how the hole in my stomach started to ache again and I longed for sleep. Even if the nightmares were hard on me, I at least saw his face in them. What was worst? Seeing him in a nightmare or not seeing him at all?

**What did you think of this one? As usual, please, PLEASE review, they make me a happy girl;)**


	5. Something new

**Fifth chapter so far. This one is like a story filler, but also important...**

After another night filled with nightmares, school did seemed like a nice place to be at. Even if the others there still looked at me like I was an alien, I could think about other things instead of being trapped in another nightmare. Sleeping a few hours per night took its toll on me, and I felt gloomy and tired. Angela tried to make me feel better thru the day, but nothing could. I started to think that I never could be happy again, what a pathetic life.

Angela dropped me off at home, and I had already started to learn myself how to cope with the wheelchair and I didn't let her help me. Of course she knew I didn't want any help so she didn't ask me twice. My gratitude against her grew every day, she was just being a really good friend, and that was what I needed right now. As usual my mother waited for me when I got in the house.

"How was your day then, Bella?" She took my backpack from my lap.

"Same as it always is mom, boring and unnecessary." I wheeled around her, heeded for the kitchen. It was hard, keeping up a straight face. Not to collapse and cry, my life or whatever is was, were slowly breaking me down. Hanging to life on was hard.

She walked in behind me into the kitchen and started to make sandwiches. "Bella, I've talked to the car repairers, your car is ready next week so we can pick it up then. And also, you need some new clothes, so we can take care of that then to. I know you don't like shopping, but its necessary."

Shopping brought back some unwanted memories, from last summer with Alice. Even if I never liked buying cloths, spend hours in the dressing room, I liked spending time with Alice, she was like an angel, always knowing what to do and say. She was my best friend, and I missed her a lot. If I could have only have one more hour with her, I would spend it in a shop, knowing it was her favourite place. I loved her.

"Mom, remember dinner tonight with Billy and Jacob, do we need to shop for groceries?"

"No, I've already done that." She glanced at me fast, "Don't worry I only bought the things on your list, I'm not going to experiment on dinner. You can make it on your own."

Oh, she really did as I asked her, I thought. "Thanks mom, I'm just going to start with my homework, then dinner. I'll be in my room." I wheeled myself to the stairs and the elevator. I really needed to prepare myself for the dinner. I never was the one in the spotlight, and having a dinner because of me, was scaring.

I did my homework, slowly. I wanted to spend as little time as necessary in the kitchen with a mother always overlooking my shoulder. I missed Charlie, he was so simple, never nagging, making curfews or other simple rules. He was in his chair, behind the TV until dinner was done. Renee never stopped asking if I needed any help, that bothered me.

A couple of hours later, I went down again. There was a note on the kitchen table.

_Out for a walk, will be home in time for dinner. Love you / mom._

Wonderful, having the kitchen for my own, no mother near. It couldn't be better, so I started with dinner.

With the lasagne in the oven and only one hour left to the arrival of the guests I went up to my room again, I needed to lie down in bed for a while, as much as I tried to make the hole in my stomach stop aching the less it worked, but I couldn't give up, it needed to heel for me to continue to have a normal life.

"Bella? Where are you?" I heard Renee call from downstairs.

I shouted back, "I'm up in my room, I'm coming right down, gimme a sec!" I took a deep breath and sighed loudly. I got back in my chair, and changed to another sweatshirt. Grey fitted this evening.

Renee waited for me downstairs, "Do you want me to set the table?"

"Yes, please, they are here soon…" Another sigh.

She stroke my head and kissed me on my head, lovingly. "The food smells great, I wish I had your skills in the kitchen!"

"Thanks mom, it's just lasagne, not hard to do." I was glad Renee didn't take over kitchen duty while she was here, she couldn't cook even if her life depended on it. All her experiments in the kitchen always seemed to taste…different and not so good.

I wheeled myself towards the table, Renee finishing the last things and then walk out, to the stairs.

"I'm just gonna change, be right back, hon'." She rushed up the stairs and I heard her enter Charlie's bedroom. A wave of sorrow raged in my body and I struggled to keep my tears inside. And then I heard a loud knock on the door.

I wheeled myself to the door and opened, outside were Jacob and Billy. I hardly recognized Jacob, he had grown and become larger with muscles, it was hard not to stare. I opened my mouth to greet them, but nothing come out.

"Well, hallo to you to, Bella!" Jacob smiled and seemed to have no problem with talking.

I recovered my voice and welcomed them in the house. When I last saw Jacob he was much smaller and almost childlike in his face, now he was a grown man. It felt like I hadn't seen him in years, but it was only weeks ago I saw him the last time, the change were significant and I was surprised.

"Renee will be right back down, she's just changing cloths. We wanted to make a good impression on your guys." A little white lie never were wrong.

"Its okay Bella, how are you coping?" Billy looked my straight in my eyes with sympathy. I avoided his gaze and looked at the oven.

"Thank you Billy for caring, I'm fine, thanks. Lets see if the lasagne is ready." A fast change of subject always worked.

"That smells good, Bella. Is it you or Renee that made the food?" Jacob sniffed the air and then looked at me.

"Bella is to blame for this. I cant cook at all, but she can. I don't know from who she got that talent from, neither I or Charlie can cook." Renee walked in the room and gave Billy a fast hug.

The room got quiet when Renee mentioned Charlie's name, it always felt inappropriate to talk about him, and I was sure not ready as always, I was never gonna be ready for it.

Jacob saved the conversation, "Is it ready maybe? I'm hungry, Billy been starving me all day for this dinner!"

"That's not true, Jake, and you know it." Billy chuckled and gave Jacob a little punch in his stomach.

Relived that Jacob saved the evening I gave him a grateful look. "Yeah, I think it is, please sit down by the table, mom, can you take the lasagne out of the oven please?"

We all gathered around the little table and started with the food. They all loved my cooking and Jacob helped himself at least four times. During dinner, Charlie's name weren't mentioned again, that mistake wouldn't be done another time. The hours got by quick and soon it was time for Billy and Jacob to leave.

Billy and Renee got into the living room while Jacob helped me with the dishes.

"So Bella, thanks for the food, it was great."

"Yeah, I saw how much you liked it, nothing left in the dish." I handed him the empty, now clean dish for him to dry.

"Sorry for that, maybe you wanted to have some leftovers for school tomorrow?" Jacob sounded a bit sorry for eating too much.

"No, its okay, really! I'm glad you liked it."

"Maybe I can come over another time soon? I truly liked hanging out here with you, you have such a nice personality." That I had, when I had him in my life, now when he was gone I was black inside, so with his words I felt a bit puzzled. It didn't fit into me any more.

"Yes. Maybe this weekend?" I decided to give him yet another chance. He seemed like a nice kid, and his dad Billy knew Charlie really well. It was nice to have someone else in the world that knew Charlie as I did.

Renee and I said good bye to Jacob and Billy. Then we went into the kitchen for something to drink. Renee took out milk and two glasses.

"So, that was nice," she said "maybe not the last time we have them over for dinner. Did you make any other plans with Jacob?"

"Well, I sort of promised to hang out with him this Saturday, he seems like a nice kid." I took my glass of milk and slowly drank it up.

"Good, that's nice for you. I know Angela is a good friend, but you need more of those here, after I go home." She started fiddle about with her cell phone.

"Mom, does Phil want you back home?" I knew she didn't want to tell me this, but I already knew what she was aiming for.

"Yeah, but I miss him too. And I've been away for a while now. I see that you can take care of yourself…I love you, you know that, and if you want me to stay longer, I will. Just say the words." She looked like she had a really bad conscience and I felt bad for letting her feel like that.

"Mom, I can manage, I've seen that I can. You can go home to Phil now. When were you planning to go back?" I took her hand, trying to make her feel better.

"I want to wait until your truck gets here, so you can drive your self around when you need to." She lay her other hand on top of mine, now she tried to make me feel better. I only had one mood these days, nothing could make me feel better. But that was nothing she needed to know.

I said goodnight to her and went up to bed. In a strange way I looked forward to hanging out with Jacob this Saturday, he was always happy and cheerful. Maybe he could help me feel better?

**Hope you guys liked this one, and I think I will get one more out before sunday.**


	6. A day at the beach

**Another week, another chapter!=)**

_**I**** wanna thank Siobhan Cullen for always leaving nice reviews!**_

The following week moved fast, but my nightmares didn't leave me alone thou I felt a little bit glad about my plans, hanging out with Jacob. Angela of course helped me out in school and Renee at home. We talked about when she could go home and the deal we made was that she would fly home when my truck was ready for me to drive myself.

Friday night Renee and I rented a movie, Sense and Sensibility, even thou I had already seen if before I loved watching it over and over again. But as always, when Edward Ferrars name was brought up I closed my eyes and thought about something different.

I still had a hard time hearing that name and I had to put my arms around my legs and crawl up in the sofa trying to make the hole in my chest not to ache to much. When the movie was over I rolled myself to bed, eager to wake up to the following morning.

"Bella, time to wake up, Jacob will be here shortly." Renee opened up my window, letting the cool air come thru my room and make me shiver a bit.

"Okay, thanks mom." was all I could get out, somehow I had small butterflies in my stomach. Even if I new Jacob I felt a bit nervous, not knowing what he had planned for the day. So I got up and took my usual morning shower, the hot water made my muscles feel soft and I could breath out. There were never pain when I felt the hot water rinse all over me, it was a release and maybe the best part of the day. Relaxing, soothing. But as always, when the hot water was up, the cold water made me think about him, his cold hands on my body and before my tears came I hurried to turn of the water.

Picking out cloths were easy this day, a pink tee shirt and a pair of jeans, with a pair of black converse. The weather didn't seem to get better so I took a thick sweater and lay it on my knees. I heard the knock on the door and I knew Jacob was here.

I hurried down, still puzzled about my excitement and when I got down, Jacob gave me a big hug, he caught me by surprise, I wasn't ready for that.

"Hi Bella, you look great! Ready for a day with me?" His voice were friendly and sincere, no pity and for that I was grateful.

"Hi you too, yeah of course I'm ready." I gave him a small smile, "what is our plans for today?"

"Well, maybe a trip to First Beach in my hoods?"

"That sounds nice, but I think you forgot something…" He looked at me curiously.

"What do you mean?"

I looked at my wheelchair and pinched the wheel. "Maybe you are blind, ha-ha, but a wheelchair doesn't work on a beach, I would get stuck in the sand."

"Ha-ha, never on my watch, look at this guns!" He flexed his big arm muscles and much to my surprise I was a bit impressed.

"Okay, it might work, but its up to you then." I rolled into the kitchen, knowing Renee would be by the table.

"Mom, were of now, we'll be back later. Love you." I kissed her cheek. With only her in life as my only parent, I felt the urge to show her how much I loved and appreciated her.

"I made some sandwiches for you two, so you can have a picnic at the beach." She handed me a small basket with some drinks and brown paper bags in it.

"Thanks mom, that's nice of you!"

"Have fun kids, don't do anything I wouldn't do." She laughed and kissed me back.

I turned around and handed Jacob the small basket. "Bye mom, see you later!" I shouted when I closed the door. Jacob was already down by his car.

"Do you want help to get in the car, Bella?" He asked, just to be polite.

"No thanks, I can manage." I wasn't used to his car and I took me longer time then with Angela's car to get in and fold the wheelchair. Jacob did ask again, but I just looked at him and he never said a word about it again.

We drove down to La Push, a couple of miles from Forks, and Jacobs home town. The small native American reservation by the north pacific ocean was a popular summer stay, and First Beach had many visitors during the summer months,

Jacob parked his car and got out, He didn't ask me if I wanted help, I would turn it down anyways, so I struggled a bit, but it was easier this time. I was glad I took my sweater with me, even if the weather wasn't particularly cold, the fresh breezes made the air colder than what it actually was.

Jacob handed me the basket and I placed it on my knees, he then started to push my chair forward. It was easy for him at first because of the asphalt, but the nearer the sand we came I got more worried.

"Are you sure, do you think you can manage to push my chair?" I sounded a bit concerned and he laughed it away.

"Of course Bella, this will be easy, have some trust in me, please!" Obviously I trusted him, otherwise I wouldn't be here with him, alone.

Jacob pushed my chair easily, like it was no problem at all. He stopped when we got to some dead greyish tree trunks laying in a wide ring with a fireplace in the middle, it seemed to be a popular place to barbecue at.

Without getting a chance to react, Jacob lifted me up from the chair and placed me on a thick blanket, with my back leaning against a tree. "Hey, what are you doing?" I felt confused and a bit mad because he didn't ask if it was okay, it took him only seconds to do that, like I weighed nothing.

"You cannot sit in that chair all the time, its more cosier down here." He started to make a fire, and it was quickly done. The heath from the fire made its way to my body and it reminded me of my hot showers and I got a bit more comfortable.

Jacob placed himself by my side and went thru the basket, curious about what Renee had packed for us. "A sandwich?" He asked questionably.

"Yeah, thanks." I took it from his hand, and when my fingers touched his they felt warm, once again I got reminded of the first time he ever touched me, with his cold fingers and I sighed.

"What's the matter Bella?" Jacob voice were concerned.

"Nothing, nothing at all. Just enjoying the view." The wind made the sea work up big waves and somehow it was soothing to se how they rolled in over the beach.

Jacob believed me and finished his sandwich in two bites. "Are you gonna it that or what?" He pointed at my sandwich, uneaten.

"If you give me an apple, you can have the sandwich." We traded and I took a small bite on my apple. I enjoyed this, just sitting on a blanket, look at the ocean and have Jacob beside me. It was easy to hang with him, like he was a missing piece in my life, now coming back.

"Isn't this nice Bella? I bet you don't leave your house much accept going to school?" He was spot on.

"Yeah, it really is. And you are right. But my truck is soon done and then I can go wherever I want, without a driver. Maybe I can pick _you _up."

"Yeah, that would be nice, you cant use me all the time for simple things like this…" He winked and I knew he was joking. But he was also right. I hated the feeling of using people because of my handicap. I never was the one who asked for help, I wanted to take care of myself, all the time. People asking me if I needed help, I just wanted to smack them in their face…

"Right, you're so right. Next time I'll drive."

"Yeah right, when is your truck ready, next year or what?" He mocked me, and I got a bit angry.

"Actually, next week." I said with a hard voice. I looked away, out into the sea. Remembering Charlie's face when he told me about the truck. How happy he was when he gave me the keys, his face expression were joyful, like he did a nice deed. He did evidently, he gave me a car. One single tear rolled slowly down my face and fell to the blanket.

"Bella, are you all right?" Jacob seemed worried, he saw the tear on my face.

"Yeah, I just thought about Charlie, I miss him a lot." Jacob lay his arm around me and moved closer. He stroke my arm and it felt comforting.

"It's okay Bella, we all miss him very much. The loss of him took us all by surprise and Billy still has a hard time talking about Charlie. He hasn't even been out fishing yet since…since the accident." Jacob trembled on the words. He had lost his own mother in a car accident when he was younger. He thought he knew what I went thru. But nobody did, I blamed myself for the accident. If I hadn't sulked about him, we hadn't gone to Billy and Jacobs house…Then the accident wouldn't had happened.

"It's hard, cooping with not having him around." I meant Charlie and one other.

A piercing wind started to move around the beach and I shivered.

"Maybe its time to go home? I don't want you to get a cold or something." Jacob already started to get up.

"The wind is cold, so I think that's a good idea." He put out the fire and lifted me up in the chair. With the blanket tucked in around my body we began to roll back to his car. This time I let him help me in the car because of the rain, I didn't want to be any colder than I already was.

With both safe in his car we went back towards Forks.

"Did you have a nice time before the rain?" Jacob concentrated on the road while he had his warm arm around me.

"Yeah, it was nice, thanks for the trip." Even if I did have a small breakdown, he was there, comforting me, and if felt good.

"Maybe I can come in with you, we can watch a movie?" I heard how his voice tried to be calm, but he sounded a bit to eager.

"Mhm, that would be nice." I wasn't quite ready to be alone with Renee at home. So having Jacob with me would be fine.

On our way home we stopped by a red light. On the street I saw Mike. He saw me, smiled with a big grin and waved. I waved back and smiled. Thou his feelings for me hadn't changed since the accident I tried hard not to encourage him.

Jacob saw Mike, the smile and the wave.

"Who is that? Is that your boyfriend?" He spitted out with a hard voice.

I felt a bit confused, and scared. His voice, almost harsh and unpleasant made me feel at unease. I wondered what he meant with that. "No, of course not. He is only a friend of mine, nothing more than that."

"Okay, I hope you're right…" He stared out the window at Mike, Mike's face expression were blank, he almost looked a bit scared.

As we continued home to my house I wondered why Jacob reacted the way he did. Almost as if he were very protective about me in a different, wrong way.

**Please, please, as always, leave a review!:)**


	7. Lullaby

**What now, why is Jake behaving like a moron? He's acting strange, and soon you're going to know why.**

As we drove back to my house I felt tension in the air surrounding us. I didn't why, but something about how Jacob reacted when we met Mike made me worried. Jacob didn't say a word until we got back to the house.

"Sorry I reacted like that Bella, I didn't scare you?" I tried to take my hand, and I let him.

"No, it's fine, I'm fine." My voice gave me away thou, the words came trembling out from my mouth.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I am. Now, how about that movie?" I tried to change subject, for him not to understand that I really was a little bit upset over how he reacted.

"Yes, of course."

We went into the house, Renee was out on a errand, and we had the house for our selves. I changed from the wheel chair to the sofa, and Jacob sat himself down beside me. During the movie he came closer and closer, and when it was ten minutes left of the movie ha yawned and laid his arm around my neck. I felt awkward but didn't move, I didn't want to encourage him, so I sat there, like a cold fish.

When the end credit rolled on the screen he turned to face me with a large smile on his lips.

"Well, that was nice. How about a date tomorrow to?" His eager voice made me react in the opposite way the he thought I would react in. Instead of thinking like a normal girl, I felt like he was going on to fast forward, I wasn't ready for anything like that now, maybe never.

"Eh, I have plans with mom tomorrow…" A little white lie never hurt no one I tried to convince myself.

"Next week then? Monday, Tuesday?" He fished after some time I could give him, but I sure wasn't ready yet.

"How about I call you when I know?" I tried to satisfy him so he wouldn't try harder to see me. "I'm feeling tired, I think I need some sleep."

Luckily he understood and got up from the sofa. "Yeah, I need to get back to. Thanks for a nice day, Bella." He leaned over me, trying to kiss me on my lips, and in the last second I turned my head so he kissed my cheek. I felt upset, and shocked over what he did. The last kiss I got was from another man, my love, and Jacob trying to kiss me, was wrong. I hadn't fallen out of love yet, and I wasn't going to do that either for as long as I lived.

"Bye." I couldn't get anymore out, and I wanted to cry, he had no right doing that. I hadn't given him any signals during the day that I was interested. I still only had one love in my heart, and he didn't love me. I could never love somebody else like I love him, that would never change.

He backed off and went over towards the door. "Bye, Bells. See you later!" My dads nickname ringed in my ears and I started to hyperventilate. As the oxygen went in and out of my body to fast I tried to think about something else to calm myself down. A flash of memories went thru my mind, first day at school. When I saw his face my breathing slowed down but instead my hole started to ache.

By then I had control over my body and moved myself over to my wheel chair. I hurried upstairs, brushed my teeth and changed cloths to a pair of sweatpants and a tank top.

Suddenly I heard a bip from my cell phone, a new message. _Thanks for spending the day with me, I had a really good time and I want to see you soon again. / Jake. _A quick question ran inside my head, how did he get my cell phone number? Were I too deep inside my bubble that I didn't remember things?

No, I was sure, I hadn't given him my number, he had figured it out by himself. So I answered, _Talk to you later, Bella. _I hope that message was enough for him, to cool down.

As usual, I spent the night with my nightmares and when I woke up Sunday morning I had five new messaged in my phone. All of them were from Jacob. In the first message he wondered when we could met up again, and the four messaged after that contended the same question. Why I didn't answer the first message.

So I sent one back, _Sorry, I was asleep, didn't see your messages. I'll call you later, Bella. _Once again I hoped he was satisfied with that.

Not even thirty seconds after I sent the message I got one back. _Good, I was worried when you didn't answer, I wanted to go back to Forks to see if you were alright. Talk to you later._

His messages started to get on my nerve. Jacob were to eager, and I wanted to know what he expected of me. I needed a friend, nothing more. But he acted like I'd shown some interest in him, love interest. How in the heck he thought about that, I wondered.

Renee waited for me in the kitchen. "I talked to the guys at the auto shop. Your car is ready tomorrow, and I will go get it for you. It will be home after school. Great, huh?" She sounded cheerful.

"Great mom, I can drive you to the airport later then? Is the ticked booked?" I smiled, even thou I loved her dearly, I needed the time alone.

"Yes, tomorrow night, the plane leaved Port Angeles nine, twenty six, so we have to leave Forks at the latest around seven." She fiddled with some papers on the table. "And here are some important papers for you, keep it safe."

I looked at the first paper, a will, my fathers last wishes. I took it up and read it thru, even thou I already knew what was in it. The request for me taking over all his belongings and the money he had saved up for pension in the bank. It was more than enough for me to live on for a couple of years.

"Did Jacob ask you for my cell number, mom?"

"No, I haven't given out your number to anyone, I know that you are very protective about it, so I would never do that." Strange, then how did he get it?

My phone biped again, another message from Jacob. _I saw a truck, just like yours. Thought about you, Jake. _Okay, this was getting out of hand. I decided not to reply.

The day went slowly, Renee packed all her belongings and asked me over and over again if she really should leave me. I always answered the same, yes, Phil needs you more than I do.

Around eight o'clock my phone biped again, _It's evening now, are you gonna call me or do I have to come over!? _Jacobs message seemed angry and I hurried to take the other phone and call him. He answered directly.

"Hallo, it's Jake"

"Hi, it's Bella."

"Oh, hi Bella, I wondered when you were gonna call me. You are not giving me the cold shoulder, huh?" His voice sounded a bit harsh, but he tried to cover it up with a laugh.

"No, of course not, why should I?

"No, why should you? He echoed.

I did have an answer to that question, but I changed the subject. "So how's school? Are you keeping up?"

"Yeah, I do my best, but there is other things more important than school." His voice were secretive and he wasn't giving me more.

I decided to try and lurk out what he meant by that. " What can be more important than school? Aren't you going to college? You know, education means power, ha-ha." My laugh eased up the strained conversation and Jacob answered with laughing at my joke.

"You are right, but more important things are happening now, so school is put behind, for now at least." He paused and sighed. "Maybe we can hang out tomorrow?"

"No, tomorrow is no good." I was glad I could blame my mothers trip home for not seeing Jacob. I hated this feeling, like he was to pushy. "Mom is going home so I need to drive her to Port Angeles airport."

"Ah, I see, does that mean you get your truck back tomorrow?"

"Yeah, you're right, finally I can drive myself to school." I sighed.

"I'll call you later, bye Bella!"

"Bye Jacob." I hung up, glad the conversation was over and done with. He was to pushy, and that gave me cold feet. I hated being forced into things, I needed to do stuff in my own time. And having Jake call or text me all the time made me feel at unease.

I put Jacob, and his actions far away in my mind, I didn't want to think about him, I had far more important things to handle. Mom going home, leaving me behind. Even if I was ready to take care of myself, I was gonna miss her much. For the first time in my life she'd taken care of me, and it was kind of nice. But after a while I got fed up. As usual.

If I could get thru this, my life without never walking again, maybe some day I could patch up my inside…Even if that seemed impossible now. I leaned back in my chair, closed my eyes and heard some fragments from my lullaby, far behind in my heavy head.

**As always, please review. The more reviews I get, the faster I write the chapters and post them:)**


	8. A red truck

**The eight chapter so far, enjoy!**

When I woke up Monday morning my head felt heavy. I hadn't had the usual dream, instead my dreams were full of small fragments about Jacob. He had been with me in my dream, he was the one who found me last fall after I got left behind by the Cullen's. In my dream he had me in his arms, and the whole time he chanted, _it's your fault Bella, you did this and now everyone you love will leave you. _

I knew it was a dream, but it felt true, the ones I loved did leave me, all alone.

Instead of trying to fall asleep again I decided to take a long hot shower, to prepare myself for the long that was about to begin. As I sat in the shower I thought about how Jacob had acted this last days. His behavior was unexceptionable, and I wondered how he got that idea? Nothing in me wanted to be with another man, I was to broke inside to deal with that. I to was afraid of being left behind again, and if I did get me through this.. .Well I should be lucky because I wasn't sure about that just yet.

To make Renee a bit happy this morning I toke my red blouse, with a pair of jeans. My hair didn't want to cooperate so I wrapped it in a sloppy ponytail.

"Good morning Bella, how was your night?" My mothers cheerful greeting mad my morning temper not better.

"Yeah, as usual, long." I grunted.

"So my plans for today," she looked at me anxiously, "is to pack the last things and get your truck back home. I thought I might pick you up from school this afternoon and I can show you how it works. _If_ I can figure it out..."

"Great, that sounds like a good idea." The thought about getting my truck back did get my mood up a bit.

**Bip, bip! **My phone caught my attention. Another message from Jacob... _Have a nice day, thinking about you/ Jake_

It's not even eight o'clock and he has already sent me a text, and my nightmares struck my mind hard, I lost my breath and Renée hurried to my side.

"Are you alright honey?" Her voice were filled with concern.

"Mom, don't pamper me, I'm alright." I took a firm grip on my wheels, a deep breath and tried to relax my tense shoulders. As I did my relaxing exercises I heard Angela honk outside.

"I'm off now, see you later!"

"Yeah, have fun in school, love you!" She caressed my cheek and kissed my forehead gently.

Angela honked again, and I hurried outside.

"Hi Angela, last day for you to drive me to school. My truck is ready and mom is picking me up after school." I smiled gently.

"Oh, thats great Bella! I know you've been waiting for it to be ready a while now." She smiled back and started to drive to school. She let it be silence while we drove. That was how I liked it. The trees outside of the car was green, the grass was green, everything melted together in a green mass and I started to loose focus. Angela startled me when she suddenly spoke out loud. "So what have you been up to, this weekend?"

"Nothing special, I meet an old friend. Jacob Black from La Push?" A sudden wonder flew across my mind, did she know him?

"Um, okay, no I don't now who he is. Did you have fun?" Her voice weren't curious, she asked politely.

"Well, at first we did," I didn't want to reveal exactly what happened, my feelings surrounding it, "but then he changed, I can't put my finger on it, but he started to get very protective..."

"Maybe he's into you and feel the urge to protect you? Guys work in a funny way, you never now what they mean."

"Yeah, you're right about that fact, men are from Venus and women from Mars." Maybe I was over thinking about it. Perhaps I should give him one more chance?

Angela parked the car closely to the school, and when I opened my door I heard a familiar voice.

"Hallo Bella! Who did you hang out with this weekend? He didn't seem nice at all!" Mike's voice sounded eager.

"Hi Mike, that was my friend, Jacob Black from La Push." I knew they didn't know each other, after the way they both reacted.

"Okay, he looked at me like he wanted to kill me or something." He laughed nervously. Thou he tried to be a confident boy he sometimes oozed insecurity.

"No, he's just protective about me I think, he knew my father very well. Our dads were best friends..." I looked away, struggling with those stupid tears.

"Sorry about that, I'm sure he didn't mean any harm." He smiled and handed me my backpack. "Ready for a long and boring school day?"

"Actually I am, mom is picking me up today, my truck is finally ready and I'm giving her a ride to Port Angeles airport later." I started to wheel myself towards the school. Angela walked by my left side and Mike by my right. Ben came around from the other parking lot and hurried to Angela's side. He kissed her on her cheek and she blushed.

"How about hanging out this weekend, all of us? Maybe a trip to Port Angles? We can take my mom's minivan?" Mike tried to tone down his eager voice.

"That sounds great, maybe a movie or dinner?" Ben looked at Angela with a smile.

I didn't want to go out, but sitting by my own a Saturday night, didn't make me feel better. "Okay, that sounds nice. Count me in."

"Great Bella, I think we will have a good time together, can't wait for Saturday!" Angela rushed of with Ben to class. Mike who had the same class as I walked beside me as usual.

"Maybe you shouldn't ask that Jacob to come along, I'm sorry, but it's something about him that makes me feel uncomfortable..." Mike looked at me carefully while he held the classroom door open for me.

"Yeah, I think it's for the best if it's only you, me, Angela and Ben. But not like a double date, just friends hanging out together." It was hard with Mike sometimes, I knew he had feelings for me, and I often had to clear it out. But he always went around what I said.

"Just hanging out, I hear you." He winked while he sat down by his table.

When it finally rang out, I hurried outside school to get to the parking lot. My mom had parked my beloved red truck in a handicap spot. She saw me, and raised her hand in a wave.

"Hi Bella! Does it look good?" She smiled and hurried to my side.

"Mom, it looks great. Did they improve the paint to?" The truck shined in a way I wasn't used to.

"Yes, they did. It had rust which they repaired and then repainted it. They tried to get the paint as close as they could with the original paint. I think they did a good job!"

"They did." I didn't know if I was happy about that or not but Renée kept talking away.

"And while I waited for you I got a handicap note from the school office so you park at the handicap spots here." She used the word handicapped with a soft voice, and I didn't like that word. Like I was incapable of taking care of myself. Not to function in the real world. Like a misfit. Maybe that was what I were these days. I couldn't walk, I couldn't feel my legs, my whole lower body was dead. It was there but at the same time not. I had to much other things to take care of first before I could grief the loss of my legs. I hadn't gotten over the love of my life, my reason to live had left me. And then Charlie left me to. It was to much to take in. I looked at my mothers face, at least I had her, but now she was about to leave me to. But that was my choice.

"Ready hun'?" The excitement in her voice was loud.

"Yeah mom, I am ready, lets do this." The truck was a bit bigger than Angela's car and it took a while before I figured out the best and easiest way to get in. When I finally sat on the leather seat I felt a bit safer. I loved this truck and it felt like home while I was in it.

Renée pointed out all the changes, how I was supposed to drive the truck. A manageable stick right under the steering wheel helped me control the accelerator and the breaks. It was quite easy once I got the hang of it. The freedom of sitting in a car, driving, was unbelievable good.

Mom decided we should eat out so we headed home first to pick up all her belongings. Then we drove directly towards Port Angeles, mom was quit almost the whole way, but when I looked at her she had tears in her eyes. When I asked her, why she had tears in her eyes, she changed the subject.

"It's nothing. So, have you talked to Jacob today? He seems to like you." She wiped those tears away and concentrated on me.

"Um, no. He texted me this morning. I think I like him to, but just as a friend. And I hope he understands that." I concentrated hard on the road. "But this Saturday, I together with Angela, Ben and Mike are going to Port Angeles, just hang out." Before Renée could say something I continued, "Not a double date, just friends hanging out. Nothing more than that mom."

"Okay, that sounds like fun. You really need to get out more, not sit at home and do nothing. What is your plans?"

"Maybe dinner and movies, I think." I heard how that came out. It really sounded like a double date.

When we arrived in Port Angeles I parked my truck by a restaurant, far away from the little Italian place I once visited with somebody else. Chinese food always worked for Renée, maybe not my favorite, but it was okay.

We eat in silence, being in moms company was enough, no words were needed. She did eyed me a couple of times, as she was struggling to keep cool and not burst into tears. It looked like she was unsure about leaving me and go back to Phil in Jacksonville. I had the same thoughts, but I had to stick by my choice. For her to go back and for me to live alone and concentrate on my life, as a single woman.

When we got to the airport, she couldn't keep her tears inside any longer. She cried and hugged me the same time as she asked me is she did the right thing.

"Are you sure honey? Don't you want me to stay with you a while longer?"

"No mom, I need to do this alone. I promise I'll call you if I need you. You and Phil can visit any time you want to." Her tears made mine come to, I couldn't stop myself. I sobbed into her shoulder and she into mine.

"You need to go now, you'll miss you're flight." I dragged myself out from her grip.

"I know, I know, I just...I love you, you now that right?" She looked at me, straight into my eyes. Her sincere, honest words meant to world to me.

"I know mom, I love you to. I'll call every day, I promise." I leaned over and kissed her on her cheek. She hugged me tightly again and then let me go. A small feeling within me crawled inside my head, it felt like this was the last time I'd ever see her again. I shrugged that strange feeling away and concentrated on my mothers departure.

"Bye Bella..."

"Bye mom, love you".

"Love you to, talk to you later."

I looked at her back while she slowly walked away towards the terminal. When she got out of my sight I slowly drove away, from the airport towards Forks. I wasn't in a hurry so I took my time. Mom hadn't replaced the radio, which was fine with me, I liked the silence.

A couple of miles outside Port Angeles a car approach my old truck. I was under the speed limit so I waited for it to pass me. But the car stayed in sight, behind me. All the way back home to Forks. Other cars passed us, but that car tagged along behind me, slowed down when I did, accelerated when I did. It was like I towed the other car behind me.

When I turned right into my street the other car also did so. At that point I felt a bit scared and wondered if I should call somebody, Angela maybe. I took my phone and slowed down, so did the other car.

I heard the signals in the phone. "Hallo?" Angela's voice calmed me down.

"Hi, it's Bella. I know I'm being silly but I just dropped mom off at the airport in Port Angeles and the whole way back I had a car behind me, it's behind me now, and I'm almost home..." I talked very fast, nervously. "Can you please come over, I will owe you one, I promise." I tried a little laughter to ease the tense situation.

"Of course Bella, Ben will come with, he is here now. Sit in your car until we get there, be there in five minutes." I heard how she toke her jacket and keys.

"Okay thanks." I slowed down more when I saw my house. I turned left into my driveway, hoping that the car behind me would keep going straight ahead on the road.

In my rear view mirror I saw how the dark car continued down the street and then parked by the road. The lights went off and at that point I got really scared.

**A little cliffhanger, sorry :) But do review! :)**


	9. Stalker

**You guys are lucky, two chapters in two days! :)**

My mind froze and I held on to my steering wheel with the panic flowing all over my body. Who is that? Why did the car follow me, what's gonna happen now?

Suddenly I saw the lights of Angela's car down the street, she parked her car behind my truck and the jumped out of it to get to me. Ben took a flashlight and let the light shine towards the dark car. Things then happened fast. The other car started its engine and drove away, its tires screamed in protest of the hard treatment it got. Ben turned to us with a question mark on his face.

Angela opened my door. "How you're feeling Bella? Are you alright?"

"No," I stumbled on my voice, "I got really scared, the car followed me from Port Angeles to here, I don't know who it is…"

"Come on, we'll help you inside, Ben can you take Bella's stuff?" Angela looked at Ben.

"Yeah, of course. Give me your keys so I can unlock the door." I gave him my other key to the front door.

Angela helped me out from the truck, this time I didn't declined the help she offered, I felt wobbly in my joints, scared and unprotected. She pushed me thru the door and helped me off with my jacket.

"Do you want us to stay, Bella? Maybe we should call the police about that car?" I didn't want to drag in the police, maybe it was just an coincidence. But I did want some company for the night.

"No, not the police, but if you two want to stay, I'd like that."

"Of course Bella, we will. Can I turn on the TV?" Ben's carefree voice eased up the tension in the house.

"The remote is on the table. Can I make you some tea?" I looked at Angela.

"Yes, thanks." We both went into the kitchen, Angela sat down by the well used kitchen table and I heated up water in a pan on the stove.

"So, the first night alone, without Renée, how does that feel?" I didn't turn around to met her voice.

"Well, after this evening, a bit strange. But I think I will manage. I need to grow up, and living on my own will make me do that." And not to sulk forever for a lost love…

"We will stay as long as you need us to do, we are your friends no matter what happens, I hope you know that." The eagerness in her voice shined thru and I suddenly realised what she meant. I had a true friend in her, and Ben too.

"Thank you Angela, that means much for me." I turned around and smiled at her, I felt how the colours on my cheeks finally arrived after the scare I had earlier this evening.

My thoughts wondered off to the car ride, who was that…? When the phone rang I put those questions back inside my head.

"Hallo?" I answered.

"Hi Bella, it's Jake!" Was I happy about him calling or not?

"Oh, hi Jake, how's it going?" I tried to sound relaxed in my voice, not to give him any other signals.

"Great, I just called to see how you're doing. I know Renée left you to go back to Phil, today."

How did he know that? "Yeah, that's right. Did I tell you that?" Maybe I was the one who was confused.

"No, I talked to Renée the other day, she told me, and asked me to keep an eye on you." He laughed and I shivered, I didn't liked how he sad that. Like I was unfit to take care of myself. "Do you want me to come over?"

"No, my friends are here."

"Who?!" He raised his voice and sounded angry.

"Angela and her boyfriend, they go to school with me." I said the words easily and with a low voice, why I did so I didn't understand, it was like I tried to calm him down.

"Not Mike then?

"No, I don't know where he is. I called Angela and Ben because I got followed when I drove back from Port Angeles, the car stayed outside my house, and when Ben tried to see who was in the car, it drove away…" My hand held the phone tightly.

"Bella, why didn't you call me?! I can take care of you! I will not let anyone harm you…again." I wanted to end the conversation, his voice scared me, it was to hard and eager.

"You were in La Push, Angela lives close by, she was the easiest to call. And they are still here, so can I call you tomorrow?"

"But if this ever happen again, you call me, you hear that?"

"Okay, bye." I hung up, not waiting for him to say bye.

I turned to face Angela. "It was Jacob, the boy I told you about, from La Push." I answered her questioning face.

The water boiled and I poured it up in three large cups. The steam from the cups rose up into the air and melted together with the colder air. Angela took one cup to Ben, and then came back to join me by the kitchen table.

We sat there, talked about school, graduation, colleges and our future. It was hard to think that my future wasn't gonna be how I thought it would be. I wanted to be one in the Cullen family, but instead of sharing a life with seven others, I now had no one. It was a different kind of thinking I had to do now, change it all. Stay here? Or sell the house and attend to a college in Florida, near mom and Phil? Angela wanted to go college, and she hoped she and Ben could go at the same one. They seemed attached to each other and I hoped they could study at the same college.

Angela yawned when the clock turned twelve, "Do you want me to stay over night, Bella?"

"No, I feel fine now, you and Ben can go home." I assured her, I didn't feel fine yet, but I didn't want her to stay with me of pity.

"If you are sure, but I will have my phone on my night stand. Call if you want me to come over, I will be here in five minutes, I promise."

"Thanks Angela, that means much to me." I took her hand and she put her other hand on top of mine.

"Friends, right?"

"Yes, friends." I smiled and felt lucky that I had her.

"Ben, time to go." Angela raised her voice a bit.

"Okay, okay, I'm coming." He turned of the TV and joined us in the kitchen. "Ready to go home?"

"Only if Bella is." Ben looked at me.

"I just told Angela that I think you should go home and sleep. Angela is about to dislocate her jaw if she yawns one more time." Ben and Angela laughed together.

"You're right Bella, lets go. See you tomorrow in school." Ben took Angela's hand and they walked together out from my house to her car. I locked the door after them and double checked every lock once more. I went around the house to check that all the windows were locked, and the door in the kitchen, leading out to the back lawn.

When I felt contempt with all the locks I went upstairs. The house was silence, almost eerie and because it was old it made its own sounds, creaking sounds.

Before I got ready for bed I turned on my CD. I wanted to have some kind of sound in my room, it was to quiet now. I chose the record carefully and decided to listen to Enigma, Seven lives many faces. It always calmed me down and made me feel relaxed. The music flowed into my body and made me smile. This was the only kind of music I could listen to these days.

Before I knew it I feel asleep.

My mind woke me up the following morning and my nightmares had once again changed. At first it was the same as last night. Jacob carrying me in his arms, chanting the same words, over and over again, _it's your fault Bella, you did this and now everyone you love will leave you. _But then, suddenly the scenery changes and I am in my car driving with that other dark car behind me, pushing my car forward. I drive by a sign, bridge closed because of roadwork. The car behind me chase me, and I cant stop my car, then I see in front of me the bridge but with a hole in the middle. I try the breaks, but it's not working, and when I am about to drive into the hole the scenery changes one more time. I am in my house, downstairs, walking around with no wheelchair. I see myself in the mirror, pale and beautiful. Then Jacob comes around the corner and takes my hand, he squeeze it so hard that my fingers fall of my hand and just before I wake up he says, _you're mine._

I tried to think about something else, despite of my new nightmares, I did sleep alone for the first time in my house and it went pretty good… I was proud of myself.

I went downstairs, and got out from the house to get the news paper. Tucked in between the paper parts there was a letter with my name on it. Only my name, no stamp. I was curious and opened it, the words in the letter was underlined and seemed to been written in a hast. Why Bella, why do you do this to me? I need you, you need me. I know everything about you, what you like and dislikes. I followed you home last night, I struggled to not come inside and show you how much I love you. But I will, soon. **I LOVE YOU**…

**I think you know who the stalker is, if you don't you will soon find out!:) Please review if you like it!**


	10. Messages

**Three chapters in a week, and a lot of really nice reviews from you guys! I'm happy to have you! =)**

I dropped the letter to the ground, I just froze to ice. Those words on the stiff paper, put together like that was terrifying. I forgot how to breath and felt how I got more and more dizzy… Everything became black.

***

"Bella?!" I heard a voice far away. "Bella, please wake up!" I started to blink with my eyes, unable to focus on the voice.

"Oh my god, Bella, you freaked me out!"

"Sorry, I…" my voice struggled to come out from my sore throat.

"It's okay Bella, just concentrate on your breathing, nothing more. In and out." The voice instructed me, and I did what I was told. I felt how the colour came back to my cheeks and I opened my eyes once again. I wasn't on the floor or in my chair, I was tucked in, in the sofa with a blanket around me and a pillow under my head.

"Here you are," I looked up, the hand who gave me a glass of water belonged to Jacob, "drink some water, you'll be fine in a minute."

"Jacob, what are you doing here?" I spitted out.

"I was in the neighbourhood, visiting some friends, and decided to see how you were doing after last night. You sounded a bit nervous on the phone." He said the words too relaxed, and a little voice inside my head told me he was lying.

"At this hour?" Maybe I was wrong, but visiting friends so early in the morning was strange.

"Yeah, they are…morning people." He stumbled on the words, witch nurtured my inner voice ever more. "I found you on the floor, you were pale white and hardly breathing, so I lifted you to the sofa. You've been out only for a couple of minutes. I thought about calling the ambulance, but I know you dislikes them." That word, _dislikes_, where had I heard that word before?

"Okay, thanks Jacob. If you just get me my chair, I think I will be fine. I need to go to school now." I didn't want to be alone with him, there was something about him that made me feel nervous.

"I saw the letter Bella, do you know who this guy is?!" He raised his voice and I twitched.

"No, and what makes you believe it's a guy, it could be a girl." I got angry of him, and his assumptions.

"Well, the fact that, this one loves you would be enough to think that this is a guy." He hissed.

I didn't want to start a fight so I agreed, "Maybe you're right."

Jacob lowered his shoulders and relaxed. "Perhaps you should stay at home today, I can call Billy and asked him to call me in sick, it wont be a problem." Now I really started to get nervous.

"No, Angela is waiting for me in school. We have an exam today and I want to do it now instead of tomorrow. Besides, I don't want anymore sick days, I have enough of those."

"Yeah, you're probably right. But I think I should at least drive you to school." I wanted him to leave me alone as fast as possible, and I knew he wasn't gonna take no for an answer so I agreed to that.

"Okay, Angela can take me home this afternoon. We need to go now." Jacob fetched my chair and I switched over to it. He helped me to his car, even when I asked him not to. He didn't seem to listen to me at all…His dark blue car was old but well taken cared of, the whole backseat were filled with different car parts, and the inside on the car smelled like oil.

"So, Bella, what are you up to this week?"

"Nothing special, homework and stuff, a lot of homework's actually. This Saturday I'm gonna hang out with some friends from school." I hoped he understood the subtext to my words, that I was fully booked this week and couldn't hang out with him at all.

"Which friends?" Why was he so curious? Needing to know everything about me.

"Just Angela, her boyfriend Ben and Mike. You know Mike, from school. They decided we should do something in Port Angeles. We were friends before the accident…"

"Ah okay, can I go with you?" The question I dreaded the most, how was I supposed to solve this, the easiest way?

"Um, it's kinda a closed event, and I think Angela already booked us a table for four." Those little white lies came effortlessly.

"Perhaps another time then?" He smiled widely while he looked at me.

"Maybe next week or something, we can talk about it over the phone later if you want." We had reached the school and I wanted to go to Angela, tell her about the letter.

"I'll call you tonight Bella, and if there is anything you need help with, don't hesitate to call. I'll do anything for you!"

"Yeah, bye, talk to you later." I hurried of the catch Angela. She was in front of her car when she saw me.

"Hi Bella, are you better today? I had my cell beside me, always ready, the whole night." She laughed.

"No, I'm not, you're not gonna believe this, but when I got the morning paper today, in between the different parts there was a letter to me. No stamp, just my name written all over the envelope." I searched my pockets to show her the letter, but couldn't find it.

"What?" She looked at me worriedly.

"Oh no, I must have forgotten it at home! But when I opened it…I think I have a stalker of some kind. Those words, they were horrendous." Remembering the words made me fell a bit dizzy again.

"Oh my god Bella, we have to do something! You can't go around here and be scared all the time. What if something else happens? What if he decides to pay you a visit?" She raised her voice unconsciously.

"The letter said he wanted to visit me yesterday, after he followed me home with his car. He wanted to tell me he loved me." My hands trembled. "If you and Ben didn't show up, maybe he had paid me a surprise visit last night…"

"Bella, we have to do something about this. You can't go on, I'm too worried about you. Sitting alone in that big house alone with a crazy man lurking around!" Her concern for my welfare were overwhelming, and I knew she was right. I needed to do something about this, and fast, before it was to late. But to late for what? It was easy to go overboard with this, maybe it was a misunderstanding…

"Bella, hallo! Did you hear me?" Angela tried to get to me, to make me understand how worried she was about this.

"Yeah, I know you are worried. Let me think about this during the day, and then if I want to report this, you can help me." Perhaps it would solve it self during the day, or I might come to some conclusion about what to do. With everything going on, this felt like a small thing. I knew my thoughts about this were to easy, but who wanted to stalk me? I was broken, inside and out. Who could ever love me? Was Angela right? Should I worry?

"Angela, do you think you can give me a ride home after school? Jacob found me at home, apparently I fainted after opening that letter, and he helped me." Angela looked at me with big eyes, her mouth opened, but before she could say something I continued, "I'm alright, don't worry. But he insisted that he should take me to school, and I agreed. I left my truck at home."

"Bella, I'm sorry, but I can't today. I already promised to drive my siblings to a birthday party." I saw in her face how much she regretted that she'd agreed to drive them.

"No worry, I'll find my way home. In worst case scenario I'll wheel myself home. It will be good for my muscles." I shrugged.

"Maybe Jacob can pick you up?" Angela already had her phone in her hand, ready to call Jacob.

"No, no thanks, I can figure this one out by myself." I hurried of to class. "See you later at lunch, Angela."

The first four lessons went fast without any messages on the phone, and by lunch I had almost forgotten what had happened this morning, new home works, exams, rained all over us seniors, and I had a lot to think about. During the last period the University of Washington came and informed us about their school. It was interesting and I dreamed myself away, going to college. I knew Charlie would have been proud of me if I did that, and attend to college would maybe help me get over the loss of my dad.

As I wheeled myself to the cafeteria I met Angela again, Ben stood beside her, and I saw in his face that she had told him about what had happened.

"Bella, you need to do something about this! Aren't you afraid?" Ben lowered his voice, he didn't want anyone except me and Angela heat what he said. "What if the stalker is someone in school?"

"Ben, please, I need to figure this out. Yeah, of course I wonder how it is, but why does anybody want to harm me?" That question raged in my mind.

**Bip, bip**. My cell phone caught my attention. One new message, an unknown number, _Hi Bella, I'm watching you right now. Maybe I should visit you tonight to show you how much I love you and how much you need me._

My hand trembled when I let Angela and Ben see the message.

"This is insane. After I've taken the twins to the party I will come home to you. Then we need to see the police about this." She held my phone tightly and I tried to get it back.

"Please, give me my phone, I want to answer."

"Are you sure?" Angela looked into my face, confused and worried.

"Just give the phone." I raised my voice to show her I meant it. She then gave it to me.

I started to type an answer. _Why don't you leave me alone, I don't know you and I don't wanna know you either. I'm not afraid of you. _I pressed the send button and hoped it would work. Not ten seconds later I got another message.

_You should be afraid of me, I think I need to show you that I'm serious. If I cant have you, no one else can! _

Before Angela could take my phone I hurried to type another answer. I knew I should be worried, but I was to tired to care so I answered, _If you don't leave me alone I will call the police. _I hoped that would solve everything.

How foolish of me.

**Review, review if you like it! :)**


	11. Nothing left

**Okay, my plans wasn't to write this chapter as quick as I did, but the words never ended. It was a hard one to write but I think/hope that you feel what Bella feels. I feel very sorry for her. It will be one last chapter or epilogue after this, I haven't decided yet. **

I put my phone in my bag, and zipped up the backpack, roughly.

"Bella, what are you doing?! Give me the phone!" I had never heard Angela raise her voice like that and I was surprised.

"Take it easy, it's nothing. No need to worry now. Let's eat." Thou I was the one who should be calmed down, I was the one who tried to calm Angela down, her frantic voice gave her fears away and I started to see what she meant. Maybe I should take this seriously? But things like this, a stalker didn't happen to me, so why worry? To take in the fact that I was stalked, that someone wanted to hurt me was strange.

Ben looked at me, astonished over how I reacted. He opened his mouth like a fish, but couldn't figure out what to say. "Ben. Food, eat." I urged him. He took his tray and moved forward in the lunch queue.

I had lost my appetite when I got the messages in my phone and only bought an apple. Once again Angela eyed me nervously. She wasn't the one to nag about things and I saw in her face how she argued with herself how to deal with this situation.

We all sat by our usual table when the others joined us.

"Hi Bella, I was wondering, what kind of car does Jacob use?" Mikes voice startled me, I was thinking about the letter and the messages.

"Eh, a dark maybe? Older one?" I wasn't sure, I was no good with cars.

"Okay, there's a dark car parked by the curb just outside the school park. I don't recognize it, an remembered that Jacob had a dark car. You know all this about child molesters. But maybe someone in school just bought a dark car, like one of the teachers perhaps." He took a big chunk of his hamburger and chewed loudly.

Maybe a coincidence? My stalker from Port Angeles had a dark car. "Yeah, maybe it's a teachers car." I shrugged and tried to concentrate. Not Jacob, that was a stupid thought. His dad, Billy and Charlie were the best of buddies. He couldn't do this…Or could he? Actually, he had been around very much lately, and seemed to know what I did and when. His need to see me and how his reactions when I mentions my friends. I shook my head, I was analyzing too much into this, and I felt sick about it all.

We all ate under silence, thinking about what had happened. I saw how Angela whispered to Ben and I was sure they talked about me as she looked at me with horror in her face. I took a small bite of my apple and chewed slowly. The red apple glistened in the sunlight from the windows surrounding the cafeteria. All the tables were full of kids in different ages, gossiping about who dated who. Normal stuff. And here I was, no legs, no love in my life, no dad and alone, to take care of myself. I felt a bit jealous, they seemed to have it easy and I wanted to be that carefree kid who's biggest concern right now was which college I should attend to.

The bell rang, time for the last lessons for the day, and then I needed to make a decision about what to do. Forget and hope that this was a joke of some kind or report to the police. Ben followed me close to the class by my side, Angela walked of to hers. My phone was quiet during the last lessons, and I thought someone maybe pulled me a prank, a terrible, useless joke of some kind. When the bell finally rang again, the school was over for the day.

I wheeled myself out to the parking lot. Angela ran after me, calling my name.

"Bella, Bella, please stop!" Her anxious voice reached me and I stopped. "I'm sorry if I did or said the wrong things at lunch, but I'm so worried about you. From what happened last fall, and loosing your dad. And now this? How can anyone survive? How much can a person take before he goes insane?" She talked fast and almost stumbled on the words while she took my hand. "I don't mean you are insane, but you've been thru all this and still function. I couldn't do that, you are so strong and I envy you. But please, let someone else into your life! You can't deal with all this alone, you need help! Please Bella, let me call the police!"

"I can't…" If I did break my wall, who could catch me and help me? "Leave me alone Angela, I can't talk about this now. I need to go home." The only place I felt secure in, my home, Charlie's home. I hurried away while I heard Angela's voice calling my name behind me. I focused her voice away, to think about my room, my safe place. Then I saw I dark car pull in beside me, I hesitated but stopped. I recognized the car.

"Bella, I thought Angela could take you home?" His voice was calmed and a tiny bit excited.

"No, she couldn't, she had to take her siblings to a party." At this point I felt the wrong kind of butterflies in my stomach.

"Okay, get in and I'll take you home."

I had to clear my throat, "No it's okay, I need the fresh air and I need to think about things." I tried to go forward but he drove his car also forward a few yards, blocking my way.

"Just get in Bella, I don't wanna argue here."

"No!" I tried to emphasize my no so he understood that I didn't want to go with him home.

He lowered his voice until it sounded like a hiss, "If you don't join me in the car now, I will come out and _make you _get in the car."

My eyes got wide and my mouth opened slightly. My entire body became stiff and I couldn't move because I was so petrified. Far away I heard how he opened his car door and got out. As he came closer he looked around, to see that we were alone. No one was around and he easily grabbed me and threw me into the front seat. He closed the door with more power than he needed and hurried around to the other side. "See, I told you so!" He screamed.

"So, Jacob, it was you all the time. Following me from Port Angeles. Leaving me the letter and those messages…" As I said the words the facts slowly opened my eyes. Of course it was Jacob, he wanted me, he always did even when I already was taken. I didn't have any feelings for him, and he knew that. That only triggered him to want me even more in a sick way, to make me love him, force me.

"Of course it was me, you must be a stupid little girl… I thought you were smart, and figure it out earlier. But no loss for me, I could continue to scare you. That was fun! Those messages, the letter! My imagination skills is pretty good, don't you think?" He laughed loudly and I wrapped my jacket harder around me.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I wanted an answer.

"Easy, I love you Bella like nobody ever loved you before. I want to have you and if you don't want me, then no one can have you, that's how it is." He stepped on the accelerator and the car screamed in protest. I had heard that sound before.

"Where are you taking me?" My voice were so low I thought he didn't hear me.

"To your house at first. You need to take some belongings. Then of to Las Vegas baby, you need to have a ring on your finger to show everyone that you're mine." His unshakable self confidence voice shined thru his words.

"And if I don't want to do that?" My hands trembled with fear.

"Bella, honey. No one accept me want you. Who would ever want to have you? The ones you love die, or leave you. They couldn't take care of you like I can. I'm the man you have been missing in your life. That boy you had before, he didn't love you enough so he left you. I wouldn't do that! He couldn't stand to see you're miserable face… But I can. We're gonna have a small house in La Push, and three kids. You'll be a stay-at-home mom and do what I tell you to do! " He spitted out the words.

At this point he gotten to my inside, my core. My Edward. His name ripped my inside into two pieces. I wanted to believe that he did love me, but on the other hand, why did he then leave me if he loved me? My eyes flooded and my tears ran down my face. All the feelings connected with Edward was out and I couldn't hold them back. It felt like my stomach was inside out, like Jacob had taken his hand and ripped my heart out and thrown it away. I was empty, a shell with all the feelings outside. I cried so much that I didn't realize that we were already home.

"And Bella, " I heard his velvet voice by my ear. "you know, it's easy to manipulate the breaks on a car…" I turned my head to face him.

"What do you mean? Are you saying that you caused the accident?" I couldn't believe what he was saying.

"Yes, if the breaks had worked on the cruiser, you had been able to avoid that other car but the slippery road made the accident ever more power full then I thought. I was planning that you hit a tree and then I could end Charlie's life if he'd survived the accident. But the weather goods helped me." The rage washed all over me in a second, and the fact that I was already broken down with sorrow over loosing Edward and Charlie made me blind with fury.

I grabbed whatever I could get a hold on and hit Jacob as hard as I could in the head. I screamed with raged as Jacob fell backwards in his seat, his eyes rolled back and blood from his temple flooded out. I was panicking and hurried to get out of the car. I didn't care to see if he was alive or dead, I needed to get out of there so I crawled to the front door as fast as I could. It was almost impossible to see anything, my tears clouded my view. I nearly didn't have any power left in my arms when I was in my house but with a last effort I pulled myself up in the elevator chair.

When I got up I knew what I had to do, there was nothing left for me. I took all the medicines in my bathroom cabinet I had and wheeled myself into my room. A glass of water was already on my nightstand from that morning. I pressed play on my CD and as the first tones from the song Encounters came out from the speakers I took the first pill. When the second song, Seven lives, started all my pill-boxes were empty, sleeping pills combined with heavy morphine made my eyelids heavy.

I laid myself on top of my bed and closed my eyes. Somewhere downstairs I heard my cell phone ring, but I felt to heavy to move. There was nothing more for me now then to take one last breath and hope that death was better then life, with no sorrow or heartache. As I slipped away I saw Edwards face in front of me, his crocked smile and his gentile eyes filled with love.

**As usual, if you like it, review! It means a lot and I save them all! :) **


	12. Beginings

**Last chapter guys! Of course one little epilogue will come soon to. I can't let this story go just yet. ;)**

As I slipped away I saw Edwards face in front of me, his crocked smile and his gentile eyes filled with love.

It felt like I was flying, my body was easy and light. Could this be heaven? Or was this how it felt to die? I saw Edwards beautiful face beside me, his body formed itself from the clouds and then I felt his hand in mine. He looked at me with his big golden eyes, his mouth formed words in silence, _I'm sorry I left you, but now I'm back and I will never leave you again. I love you. _

"Bella, honey, you're alright know. Open you eyes." I recognized his voice, but felt unsure. If I opened my eyes, maybe he'd disappear again. But couldn't I have all in heaven? So I slowly let my eyelids up and in front of me I saw Edward.

His eager voice talked fast, making it almost impossible for me to understand, "I found you, just in the right time. Alice was right, as she always is. I shouldn't have left you, I don't now how I could think that you would be better of without me. I sure felt like a stupid coward for not sticking around! I'm so sorry, I love you and I will never leave you again…" The hesitation in the last words, he wasn't sure if I wanted him back after what he had done to me. But of course I could forgive him and take him back, this was heaven, everything could be mended here.

"I love you too." I whispered. I looked at his face and saw well-known surroundings behind him. "Why is your room in heaven?"

"Heaven?" He tried to hide a smile, "No, you're alive. Carlisle, Alice and I found you in the right time. Carlisle have been working on you all night saving your life, and if we'd been late, only for a minute or two, we hadn't been able to save you…" His face radiated sorrow. "But we did, and you are still alive." He stroke my face, and I felt for the first time in ages how my heart felt alive again. It thumped in high speed as a result of Edwards strokes on my cheek.

"Are you sure this isn't heaven? I always thought that I wouldn't see you again until I got to heaven. I almost wished I had died earlier together with Charlie so I could see you sooner. But I'm okay with this too, now when you are here."

"No Bella, this is real. If this was heaven, how could you then feel the same as you felt in real life? Your heart is pumping and your cheeks are bright red. And this, " He leaned over me, carefully and slowly kissed my forehead. My heart thumped uncontrolled, and I felt how I got warm, his cold lips spread a warmth inside me, from my face, down to my fingers. After his kiss on my forehead he kissed my left cheek and then my right. I caressed him, felt his hair, his stone body. Then he lifted his face and looked me straight in my eyes. "You are alive Bella, and I will fight to gain your trust again, I will never leave you once more, you are my true and only love in life." As he said those last words he slowly once again lowered his face and meet my eager dark-red lips. As my lips meet his I knew I was alive and the knowledge of him never leaving me spread a light in my body. Happiness.

I heard someone enter the room. "Sorry for disturbing, I need to see how Bella is doing." Carlisle's light voice was a joy to hear.

"Eh, of course." Edward had a hard time, letting my lips go. He tried to let my hand go, so Carlisle easier could examine me. But I held on to it with all my powers and Edward noticed that so he held on to my hand.

"How are you feeling Bella? You gave us quite a scare there for a while." He took my other hand to feel my pulse.

"I think I feel fine, maybe a little bit light-headed."

"That's my fault." Edward smiled at me.

"But other than that?" Carlisle chuckled. "When we got you here, Alice changed your cloths, she saw bruises all over your body, and large scars on you legs." He turned away almost ashamed. "I hope you don't mind, but I called the hospital when I found out and they told me about the accident with Charlie. What happened to you."

"Didn't Alice told you about that? I thought she saw that? Is she here now?"

Alice rushed into the room and Edward eyed her angrily. "Slow down Alice, she's been thru a lot."

"I know, Edward." She smiled at him, not letting his temper ruin this moment. "Well, I saw that and told Carlisle, he knew and started to look into different treatments. Edward was away and I couldn't reach him." Now her look were filled with fury when she looked at him.

"I didn't want us to bother you, to leave you alone and create a better life without vampires…. I guess that was wrong."

"Bella, "Carlisle caught my attention again, "the bruises, what about them?"

I opened my eyes and mouth wide and gasped. "Jacob!"

"Did he give you those bruises?" Edwards dark voice filled the room. "Alice?" He looked questionably at Alice.

I saw that she told Edward something in her mind.

"Bella, I need to take care of something. Alice and Carlisle will be here by your side. I wont be long."

"NO!" I shouted loudly. "Don't leave me again!" My desperate voice echoed in the room.

Alice took my hand. " He together with Emmett and Jasper will be right back. I promise." Her soothing voice calmed me down a bit and she took over my hand from Edward.

"I'll wont be long, I love you." He kissed my lips once more, and I believed him this time. He hurried out from the room and I my eyes didn't leave him until he was gone.

"Bella, we need to talk about your non-working legs." Carlisle tried to get my attention, focus on him. I fought to turn my head and face him.

"I know, the doctors told me that they would never work again, they are useless." Even if I never could walk again that would be okay. Edward was back.

"I looked over your x-rays, Bella and I think I might fix you. I'm not sure, I need to do some tests before. But right now, you need to concentrate on getting better." He looked up, towards the door. Esme and Rosalie walked in the room. Esme had a big smile on her lips, Rosalie as beautiful as ever walked by her side.

"Hallo Bella, I missed you so much!" Esme took my other hand and caressed my arm gently.

"I missed you too so much, the entire family." My tears gave me away and I felt like a baby. I couldn't stop crying and from an unexacting hand I got a tissue.

"Here Bella, I'm happy you're back to." Rosalies low voice were sincere. "Despite of my feelings, I want Edward to be happy."

"Thank you Rosalie."

I looked around the room, Alice, Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie. My family, my true family. And together with Emmett, Jasper and Edward I was gonna be the luckiest girl in the world. I didn't see any obstacle at all in the future, as long as I had my Edward, my other half, everything would be fine.

I felt a bit sleepy and yawned. But I was too afraid to miss anything. What if I was alone when I woke up next time?

It was like Alice could read my thoughts. "Bella, you need to rest, it's okay. Just sleep. We will all be here when you wake up." Alice squeezed my hand gently.

"I trust you Alice, you know that." I closed my eyes and drifted away.

This time the dreams were different. I saw me and Edward walk around, holding hands and laughing in the big garden surrounding the big house. In the back Carlisle talked soft with Esme, Emmett and Jasper were playing chess while Alice and Rosalie arranged a big flower bouquet. The feeling in the dream was pure happiness and nothing could change our moods. Then the scenery changed and I saw the big living room filled with different kinds of flowers. The air was heavy with different kinds of scents. At the end of the room, a table with two candles on it. In front of the table, Mr Webber with a bible in his hands. His smile was huge and he looked at Edward who was placed right next to him. His face radiated with exhilaration and he was drop dead gorgeous with a black tuxedo. They turned to watch me as I walk down stairs in the big staircase. I saw my reflection in a window and gasped over the long white dress that made my body look stunning. I walked towards Edward and he took my hand as he kissed me gently. We both looked at each other while the priest said those familiar lines from the bible. _I pronounce you husband and wife._

Edward leaned down to kiss me again and I closed my eyes. I had that flying sensation again and when I opened my eyes we were on a beach. The weather was warm and I had a bikini on, Edward had a pair of shorts. I tried to cover my legs and the horrific scars, but when I looked down they were gone. My mouth formed an O and Edward laughed. _Everything is possible, _he said. He took me in his arms and walked out into the ocean, the hot water caressed our limbs and he felt warm, like he had the same temperature as I did. Edward never took his eyes from mine, and when he let me down in the water I took a strong hold of his neck and kissed him on his marble lips. They returned the kiss with the same intensity I felt and he took his one arm around my back, and formed my spine against his body, his other hand played with my hair, now wet from the ocean. He didn't stop the kiss as I was used to before, he kissed my chin and worked himself down my throat, letting me catch my breath. I almost hyperventilated of my feelings that raged inside my body, I wanted him badly and I knew he wanted me, right now. He lifted me up, once again, never leaving my lips with his and carried me to the beach, he lay me down on the hot white sand and caressed my body. I had goose bumps all over, not because of his cold hand, it felt like I had all my nerves on the outside, and every time he touched me I twitched I little bit, making my breathing uneven. When I thought I couldn't take anymore of the new feelings that built up I suddenly woke up.

"Hi darling, did you have a nice dream?" Edward and I was alone in his bedroom. It was dark outside and I felt disoriented. The feelings from the dream longed in me, and I couldn't shake them of.

"Mhm." That was all I could say.

"I needed to take care of some things earlier, but now I'm back, forever. If you want me to be." He stroke my ribcage.

"I want to have you, all the time. Never leave me again, never." The desperation in my voice oozed.

"I promise, I will never leave you again." He's soothing voice wasn't telling a lie.

"But what were you up to? You, Emmett and Jasper?"

"Eh, maybe it's for the best if you don't know…" He looked away.

"No, I need to know." It was something about me, I knew that.

"Okay, Alice showed me what happened, why you took all your pills, why you wanted to end your life. She saw Jacob, what he wanted to do with you, force you to be with him. She also saw that Jacob was going to take your life eventually because you wasn't happy with him." He looked me straight into my eyes. "Bella, he killed Charlie, making you paralyzed from your waist down and then planned to kidnap you and force you to marry him. And when he was to see your unhappiness, end your life."

I gasped, I knew Edward was telling the truth but it felt horrible to hear that. "So what did you do to him?"

"Emmett and Jasper wanted to kill him, but I thought that was the easiest way out for him…so I gathered all the evidences, the letter, the messages and also took a look at the cruiser. I made Jacob turn himself in. He should be happy if he only gets a life sentence. I want him to regret his actions for the rest of his life."

Of course that was for the best, killing is never the best solution but that would never change the fact that Charlie was dead. My lovingly father who always wanted me the best.

"Charlie, he's never coming back…I'm gonna miss him so much."

"We all are. This town lost a great man." He tucked the blanket tightly around me and lay one hand on my stomach. "Everything will change now, for the better."

I turned my head to face him. "Yes, I think so too. I'm never gonna forget Charlie. But I have you now and you're family, my new family. I love you so much."

He moved closer to me, and before he was to kiss me he said, "I love you too, for the rest of eternity."

**I hope you liked the ending, was it how you hoped it would be? Did Jacob get the right sentence?  
Stay tuned for the epilogue! :) I'm not gonna nag about reviews, you all know the drill. If you want to, review :)**


	13. Epilogue

**Well then, the last one. I think I'm a little bit sad about that.... So I will start something new pretty soon. Take a look in my profile in a week or so and maybe there will be something new=)**

_**Epilogue**_

When I look back at that terrible time I still don't know how I survived. Being alone, taking care of myself, to grow up so quickly without a choice. I got good help from my mother, but she couldn't mend my broken heart and mind. I wasn't a human, I was a zombie, living day by day

When Edward came back everything changed. He together with his family helped me with my life. Carlisle stood by my side as a father and Esme as a mother. Even Rosalie helped me, she and Alice made my graduation day memorable.

As soon as my graduation day was over, Edward knelt down and asked if I would marry him. Of course I said yes, I couldn't be without him once again. He was everything I wanted and needed. The wedding date was set that following winter, almost a year after Charlie's death. We celebrated our wedding and the day after we visited Charlie's grave to pay our respects. Edward stood by me, holding my hand and asked if I was ready.

Of course I was ready. I had wanted this since the day I fell in love with him. Being with him forever made me feel lucky. To have him as my soul mate everlastingly was enough. The day of the change the whole family stood by our side, even Jasper holding Alice's hand. The transformation took two days, and eased with help from Carlisle. He pumped morphine thru my body until I was completely numb. I felt the fire raging in my body, but I also felt Edwards hand in mine and I could cope. When the last fire made my heart stop I unexpectedly felt my legs again. My entire body worked and I had no visible scars left from the accident. Edward and I celebrated my new life by going on a holiday. When we arrived to the little island far away from Brazil's coast I fell in love with it. Carlisle's gift to Esme, Isle Esme sparkled in the sun and we completed our honeymoon there. I couldn't be more happier than I was.

When we got home we found out that finally Jacob had got his verdict. After spending a fall in the courtroom I was ready to hear what the judge sentenced him to. He got lifetime without any chance to a parole. I wasn't ready to forgive him just yet, I had to work on that. Jacob had taken so much from me, and he broke me down to the extend that I thought the only way for me was to end my life. I had nothing to live for. But in the same way, be brought back Edward. The only one who could stitch together the bits and pieces in my body. Jacob did eventually get out from the prison and the day of his funeral I forgave him. His ashes was spread in the ocean outside La Push. His last year he worked with kids who had it difficult at home. He did good work and helped a lot from a life in gangs and dealing with drugs.

So being together with Edward, having him around me all the time, confiding my thoughts, talk about the future and make up plans for how to spend eternity together was the only way to move on, to live. I was happy and nothing could change that.

I wrote down the last words in my diary and closed it. Thou this happened one hundred and fifty years ago, I still remembered it like it was the other day. Even if we didn't live in Forks anymore, that little town had a special place in my heart. The Cullen family house is still there, and we visit it sometimes, but now days we spend most of our time in a little cottage in North Dakota.

"Bella?" Edwards clear voice reached me in the bedroom.

"Yes?" I answered back.

"Want to check out our old house? The others will be there to, and I know Alice have a little surprise for us." He walked into the bedroom and stopped when he saw me sitting on the bed. I couldn't get my eyes of him, even after all this time I felt my nonworking heart skip a beat.

"Of course, when do we leave? Now?" My eager voice made him laugh.

"Soon honey, do you want to drive your car?" Edward had given me a new car only a couple of days ago and I really wanted to try it out. As soon as I was changed and became the new and improved Bella all my fears from my old life left me. If couldn't drive fast I ran instead. It never got old, running in the forest with Edward.

"You know me, right, so yeah I want to drive." I gave him my diary. "This is what I've written down so far. It begins from that day," even if it had gone a long time since then, it still was a hard thing to talk about, for both of us. But I needed to start there with my writing, for me it was there my life got a turn for the worse. "and it's important. My thoughts, feelings, everything. You wanted to know, but I don't think you really need to read it. But when you do, don't forget the ending, the happy finale!" I kissed him and winked.

"Mhm, something to read in the car, and to keep next to my heart as well." Edward kissed me back and I felt the cravings, the need to be with him. That desire never slowed down. If I could, I would spend the days and nights in bed with Edward, admiring his body, looking deep inside his eyes. But this time we had plans, and I persuaded my body to cool down and wait.

"Can we go, please! I miss Alice!" My frantic voice echoed in the room. I was about to take my bag and throw down some cloths when Edward stopped me.

"Alice, yow know Alice right? She has already bought you a new wardrobe. You would think that she got tired by know, you don't even use the cloths she gets you…But she lives on the hope that you will change someday and actually enjoy wearing high-end cloths."

"And you know me, and that's not me at all. Jeans and a clean tee shirt is all I need. Nothing more or less." He eyed me.

"Well less is never wrong!" I giggled and he threw me down at our bed. His lips met mine with a hunger, desire and I answered back with the same feelings.

He finished the kiss to soon with an excuse, "We need to go, hate to be late. And we can finish this later on. I know my bed in the old house is still as soft as it were the last time we were there…" I kissed him on his lips again and bit his ear carefully.

"Are you sure?" I teased him, knowingly he had a hard time letting me go.

"Bella, that's not nice!" He laughed and was already on the way out from the room. I caught up with him and jumped up on his back, he laughed again and locked my legs around his body. "Now you're stuck!"

"Oh no, I'm not!" I bite him gently in his neck and I heard how he sighed with pleasure.

"Please Bella, we need to go."

"Okay, but promise me we'll do something about this when we get there." I kissed him harder this time and jumped off his back. He turned around and hugged me intense.

"For you, anything." I lay me cheek against his soft chest and sighed, I couldn't get enough of him and I knew it was the same for him.

I loosened my grip around him and took my car keys. As I walked around in our little cottage, turning of the lamps I saw our life together. Pictures of holidays, experiences and celebrations was crammed together on the small walls. Our first wedding, my transformation, anniversaries, both for us and for the other family. Even my other family had their parts in the wall. Charlie and Renée together with Phil. I was the last one in that family and when they died the Swan family no longer existed. Some times when I talked to Rosalie I felt something missing, a child. But I would never trade a baby with Edward, never. And when my mind reminded me of him I was glad that I had him in my life, but her thoughts always rained that same question in my mind. What if we had a child, how would that child look like? My ringlets and Edward's hair colour?

I locked the front door and headed towards the garage. The large garage had a number of cars inside it. Even if I never droved it, Rosalie was kind enough to keep my old Chevy Pickup in a great condition. It was a reminder and I liked to sit in it, smell the leather and gently stroke the steering wheel. Beside my truck Edward had his old Volvo. Those were rare this days and in America there were only a few of them left. But he loved it, the same as I loved my truck. Even the Aston Martin was there, and that was the car Edward used regularly. He loved taking me to places he found when I wasn't in his life and those trips were the ones we loved the most.

I locked up my new car, the red metallic paint job glistened in the lights and I jumped in it. Edward joined me and I started it. The low purring from the engine made me smile. Driving fast was almost better then running, almost.

The drive from our little cottage was fast. Together with Edwards mind reading and my reflexes we could drive faster than any one else. The night scenery changed fast and the dark black sky was up lighted by a million stars. Edward pointed them out for me. We could even see the small one he named after me, Bella's star. As we crossed the state border and entered Washington state I took Edwards hand and squeezed it tight, it had been to long time since we saw the others now. Even if we were tight, and loved each other we also had a life to live. Edward studied and I worked in a nearby library we had built as a gift and as a memory of my parents, to the town, a couple of miles from our house. I decided the name for the library, and it seemed natural to name it _Charlie and Renée's house of books_.

The familiar surroundings of the Olympic National Park made me sigh. We drove thru the little town, Forks, and nothing had change since last. I didn't want to see my old house so we continued straight thru towards the family house.

Even after all this years Edward had to point out where to turn by the road in the dark forest. We didn't spend time here as much as we used to no longer and the nature was almost taking over the road. I looked at Edward and his smile grew stronger as closer we got. We were there, and all the others were there too by the looks of the cars outside. I parked in the middle and jumped out easily. Edward was by my side directly and we walked towards the front door, hand in hand.

"Bella! Edward!" Alice rushed towards us, hugging us both in the same time.

"Finally you're here" It was about time, did Bella drive, huh?" Emmett's mocking voice got to my ears as Alice was about to release us.

"Yeah I did, big brother." Even if he teased me I couldn't stand the urge to give him a big hug.

Carlisle, Esme, Jasper and Rosalie hugged us and showed their appreciation that we had come. I looked at my family, wondering why we didn't spend more time together.

"Alice, what's your announcement?" I was too curios to wait any longer and I urged her to tell.

"I see," she grinned and waved her hands around her head, then smiled, "that we are about to get company soon in the family and it will be great!"

**I'm sorry about that last sentence, but I think I want to build something on that later on, maybe. I haven't decided yet.  
If you like, review, nothing makes me more happy!**  
**And thank you all for those nice reviews I've gotten so far!**


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